In a rare column, Santa Claus shares some correspondence containing some of the more difficult questions he's received. His answers will make you think. For example, Darnell asked why he didn't get the Atari he asked for in 1981.
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No question, Atari would have been a great gift for you in 1981. I did get you a skateboard. As you skated around your neighborhood that spring you met your best friend for life, Victor. You ran over the girl you’d eventually bring to your senior prom, Dominique. If you’d spent all that time indoors playing Atari, maybe your life wouldn’t have taken these turns. Sometimes I’m not able to give children the gift they want, but I can give them a gift they’ll use and enjoy that is maybe the perfect gift for them at that moment. Part of believing in the spirit of the Holidays is trusting in that spirit.
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Children of the world rejoice! Inexpensive mess-free ice cream awaits you this summer!
Ha ha, just kidding. I'll piddle my life's savings away in court for another decade and die penniless clutching a naked Barbie doll in an alley in Levittown, New York.
Y'all can bow to the neuroscientist now :p
And it's not mine, Baby, I swear it!
This one is, of course, the Deluxe model which can be rolled away from the wall when using the latest space age dust sucking machine (pre-Hoover).
Well it might be.
Not pictured: see the little hole between the handle and the bomb? That's where the safety pin goes.
:p
:p