Patently Bad Idea: Centrifugal Birthing Machine

Because childbirth isn't painful and horrifying enough on its own, I guess, G.B. Blonsky, et. al. decided to provide "civilised women" with thisĀ medieval torture device birthing apparatus that applies centrifugal force to the mother, thereby allowing her a "quick and normal delivery." I shudder to think that this was ever tested on a person. Ptak Science Books has more images and information, should you be morbidly fascinated enough to look.


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It seems highly impractical, but wouldn't it aid difficult deliveries? It might be better for the baby than forceps or vacuum extractors. It does have a baby-catching net.

Maybe a maternal bungee jump would be better. Or some high-G turns in an F-22. I'm going to mother hen these ideas overnight before calling my patent attorney.
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Think you'll find that many bizarre patents were made simply to show that the patent office has to grant patents to anything (in the U.K., at least). Just a hobby for loonies.
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I bet by the time I'm dead nearly every birth will be done using c-section. There will be machines and at least 20 different highly trained professionals involved. There will still be a few unfit mothers who choose backwoods vaginal births. Protective services will swoop in and pluck up those unfortunate babes.
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