Accompanist Needed

Want ads are sometimes hard to figure out because they don't give enough information. This one, however, is confounding because it gives a lot of information! It is supposedly looking for a piano accompanist for a singing tour. The requirements are very specific.
Some of my singing engagements take place late at night, in the homes of strangers, without audiences or music, and may appear to be elaborate art or jewel heists. For engagements like this, the accompanist may be called on to pick locks, crack safes, break windows silently and jump over large, sometimes barb-wire topped fences with me riding piggy-back at all times.

Accompanist must possess a thorough knowledge of the canine psyche in order to tame six to eight guard dogs simultaneously and then retrain them to attack their masters in under two minutes. Ideally, to keep everything music-themed, the taming/re-training would be done with a flute.

Proof of diplomatic immunity is a plus. See the whole thing at McSweeney's. -via Nag on the Lake

(Image credit: Flickr user alexanderward12)

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