Bad: Assaulting your mom
Really bad: Stabbing your mom with a fork
Neatorama-worthy: While you're at it, beating another woman with a frozen chicken!
Meet Frederick McKaney, 40, of Ypsilanti, Michigan, who was arraigned in Jackson county courtroom with two felony assaults, one of which is "assault with chicken":
"He stabbed his mother in the back of the neck when she refused to give him money, and then, an hour later, he attacked a neighbor woman with a chicken," Jackson County Chief Assistant Prosecutor Mark Blumer told the Ann Arbor news.
A short time later, he encountered two other women talking on the sidewalk on Woodbridge Street. The woman said he said something nasty to them and hit one of them over the head with 10 pounds of frozen chicken.