Assault with Chicken

Bad: Assaulting your mom
Really bad: Stabbing your mom with a fork
Neatorama-worthy: While you're at it, beating another woman with a frozen chicken!

Meet Frederick McKaney, 40, of Ypsilanti, Michigan, who was arraigned in Jackson county courtroom with two felony assaults, one of which is "assault with chicken":

"He stabbed his mother in the back of the neck when she refused to give him money, and then, an hour later, he attacked a neighbor woman with a chicken," Jackson County Chief Assistant Prosecutor Mark Blumer told the Ann Arbor news.

A short time later, he encountered two other women talking on the sidewalk on Woodbridge Street. The woman said he said something nasty to them and hit one of them over the head with 10 pounds of frozen chicken.

And while you are at it, DUMP THE HARLEY AD THAT DROPS A "PEEL ME" STICKER right in front of the item.

Fer Christ's sake, boys, you don't need the cash that bad.

It is really REALLY obnoxious.
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There ya go....if you outlaw chickens, only the outlaws will have chickens. And just what, pray tell, does the Second Amendment say about chickens? Let us ask the Supreme Court

Dave Donelson, author of Heart of Diamonds
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My father is the prosecutor mentioned in the article. The bicycle mentioned in the article? Yeah, not his. A local citizen recognized this clown as the guy who was rummaging through his garage the day before, and took off on his bicycle. He called the Sheriff and asked if they found him with a bicycle matching the description of his. Yup. So they tacked on another felony. Triple Fail.
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Chickens don't kill people. People with chickens kill people.

The thing is, if this guy's mother had her own handgun, she could have shot him dead before the felonious assault.

Or if he had his own handgun, he could have gone on a shooting rampage and done a lot more damage - no, wait, folks just don't do that sort of thing.
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When I first read this story, I came to the conclusion that the mother probably fell short on parenting at some point. I won't go so far as to say that she "deserved" it, but...hey.
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