Don't mess with Joe Weston-Webb's business! He's devised what is probably the ultimate anti-burglar system after being targeted by vandalism, break-ins, and even arson:
Every night Joe Weston-Webb loads chicken droppings into a 30ft catapult and primes a cannon that used to fire his wife with a railway sleeper, all in the name of security.
The police aren't amused:
... police have told him he will be prosecuted if he unleashes the wrath of the 30ft-tall Roman catapult - filled with chicken poo collected from a nearby farm - on any yobs he catches on his property.
The businessman has even put up a sign outside his property reading: "WARNING. These premises are protected by Smart Poo and railway sleeper projectiles."
Mr Weston-Webb vowed to ignore the warning - and said his battle highlighted the plight of worried home-owners across the country.
He is Truely "Bowling Alone in America"
He now has no friends.
What a pitiful human.
What an idiot.
At least it's not as bad as I first thought...that the catapult contained his own poo.
Now that would be a deterrent.