The Ultimate Anti-Burglar Device: Giant Catapult That Flings Poo

Don't mess with Joe Weston-Webb's business! He's devised what is probably the ultimate anti-burglar system after being targeted by vandalism, break-ins, and even arson:

Every night Joe Weston-Webb loads chicken droppings into a 30ft catapult and primes a cannon that used to fire his wife with a railway sleeper, all in the name of security.

The police aren't amused:

... police have told him he will be prosecuted if he unleashes the wrath of the 30ft-tall Roman catapult - filled with chicken poo collected from a nearby farm - on any yobs he catches on his property.

The businessman has even put up a sign outside his property reading: "WARNING. These premises are protected by Smart Poo and railway sleeper projectiles."

Mr Weston-Webb vowed to ignore the warning - and said his battle highlighted the plight of worried home-owners across the country.


I had to read the article a few times to figure out what the heck this sentence means:
"and primes a cannon that used to fire his wife with a railway sleeper".

I *think* he is using a former circus cannon (formerly used to launch his wife it turns out) to shoot railroad ties (the wooden timbers the rails are laid upon) at the perps. Yow.

Can a U.K. reader verify my interpretation? Getting hit with a railroad tie is gonna hurt!

BTW - It looks like a trebuchet rather than a catalpult... You can see the drop weight suspended on one end of the arm. But I'm just being persnickety :-)
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Sid, Your interpretation is the same as mine...he used to fire his wife out of the cannon when he was in a circus; now he loads it with the wooden planks (those which join rail lines together), to shoot at delinquent youths.

What an idiot.

At least it's not as bad as I first thought...that the catapult contained his own poo.

Now that would be a deterrent.
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This man is so attached to his "property" that he has converted his home into a place that no one would want to visit.

He is Truely "Bowling Alone in America"

He now has no friends.

What a pitiful human.

Sad rotter.
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I'm sorry, but if he's been attacked (repeatedly) by vandals and arsonists, he has every right to defend his property. What in the world are the police going to prosecute him for? Getting lobbed with crap and railroad ties is an unusual but effective deterrent. Or should we expect the guy to roll over and let the crooks ransack his place again?
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I have a good deal of sympathy for the chap, but it's pretty risky to set indisciminate booby traps. You never know the consequences (death?) and the person pelted may be an innocent lost child or stranded motorist looking for help. Better to lie in wait, identify ne'er-do-wells' intentions, Taser them silly, then detain them for the local constabulary.
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