The following is from Uncle John's All-Purpose Extra Strength Bathroom Reader. Sick and tired of political campaigns this election year? Let's take a step back with something you can appreciate from the politicians: strange and peculiar quotes. They're not to be "misunderstimated"!
"I think that the free-enterprise system is absolutely too important to be left to the voluntary action of the marketplace." - Rep. Richard Kelly (R-Fla.)
"If a frog had wings, he wouldn't hit his tail on the ground." - George Bush, on unemployment benefits
"I make my decisions horizontally, not vertically." - Sen. Bob Kerry (D-Neb.)
"I hope that history will present me with maybe two words. One is peace. The other is human rights." - Jimmy Carter
"The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make them unsafe." - Frank Rizzo, mayor of Philadelphia
"If we don't watch our respective tails, the people are going to be running the government." - State Sen. Bill Craven (R-Ca.), on state initiatives
"Democracy used to be a good thing, but now it has gotten into the wrong hands." - Sen. Jesse Helms
"I don't see why the legislature should be in the business of artificial intelligence, real intelligence or any intelligence at all." - Rep. Hunt Downer (D-La.)
"A zebra cannot change its spots." - Al Gore
"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?" - George W. Bush
"We, as Republicans, need to start rowing with one oar." - Rep. John Kasich (R-Ohio)
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." - David Dinkins, former New York mayor
"I don't have the brains for business. I want to go into politics." - Mao Xinyou, grandson of Mao Zedong
"I'm not indecisive. Am I indecisive?" - Jim Scheibel, mayor of St. Paul, Minn.
"If BS was a dollar a pound, we would have paid off the deficit at about noon." - Rep. Jim Ross Lightfoot (R-Iowa)
"Congressmen are so damn dumb they could throw themselves on the ground and miss." - Rep. James Traficant, Jr. (D-Ohio)
"I think that's self-evident, but not true." - Bill Clinton
"It's hard for somebody to hit you when you've got your fist in their face." - James Carville, on negative campaigning
"What's the difference between a politician and a catfish? One is a wide-mouthed, bottom-feeding, slime sucker - and the other is a fish." - Preston Manning, Reform Party leader
"I'm a politician, and as a politician I have the prerogative to lie whenever I want." - Charles Peacock, ex-director of the Madison Guaranty S&L
"Look, I'm trying to run for president! I can't sit here and debate free trade versus fair trade!" - Pat Robertson
"The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather." - Marion Barry, former mayor of Wash., D.C.
"The senator has got to understand - he can't have it both ways. He can't take the high horse and then claim the low road." - George W. Bush, referring to John McCain
"I'm glad I'm not Brezhnev. Being the Russian leader in the Kremlin, you never know if someone's tape-recording what you say." - Richard Nixon
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Oh geez, that made me laugh so hard!