Slim to None

To put it mildly, dieting wasn’t really a concern for our ancestors. For them, the main problem was getting more carbs, fat, and sugar into their systems, not less. That’s why, in all of human history, the first person to go on a recorded weight-loss diet was England’s first king, William I. Better known as William the Conqueror, by all accounts, he’s the fattest man to lead a major country until William Howard Taft became stuck in a bathtub nearly 1,000 years later. Near the end of his life, William became so corpulent that he was unable to get on a horse, a major drawback at a time when that was a key means of transportation and regal honor. To cut his waistline, William adopted a liquid diet; with “liquid” here meaning “liquor.” For the better part of a year, the king attempted to subsist on nothing but alcohol. Amazingly, this worked better than you might expect and, eventually, he was even able to get back in the saddle. Unfortunately, this also led to his undoing. Not long after losing the weight, the king was riding his horse when it reared, driving the saddle horn into his gut and causing internal injuries that killed him shortly thereafter. To add insult to fatal injury, when it came time to load William into his casket, it turned out his diet hadn’t worked all that well, Courtiers still had to squeeze him into the box. Thus, appropriately, the first diet was also the first failed diet.

Fletcherism

The first fad diet programs began popping up in the 19th century in America, usually centered around sanitarium health spas. But it wasn’t until the dawn of the 20th century that the diet really became part of popular culture. Much of the credit for that achievement goes to Horace Fletcher, a businessman and self-taught nutritionist who became the 20th century’s first diet guru. Fletcher’s diet was really more of an overall plan for how people ought to eat, whether they were fat or not. To Fletcher, most of America’s dietary health, from corpulence to bad dental hygiene, could be explained by one simple fact: people weren’t chewing enough. Fletcher taught that, for ideal health, people should chew food until it becomes liquid in their mouths. Yum. From 1895 until 1919, Fletcherism was a part of the American psyche, with believers claiming that it would help you lose weight, keep your teeth clean and healthy, and save you money on food you’d have otherwise wasted in rushed, careless eating. For best weight-loss results, Fletcherites were also urged to eat only when they were really, really hungry and to never eat when their emotions were running high. If they followed these rules, and adequately chewed everything, they could eat whatever they wanted.

Weight Watchers

Arguable not so much a “fad” as a long-standing love affair, Weight Watchers was started in the small Queens, New York home of Jean Nidetch in the early 1960s. According to her own reports, Nidetch had always been a “big girl,” and had never felt comfortable around thin people, preferring to build friendships with people who were struggling with their weight as much as she was. As a young wife in her 20s, Nidetch decided to finally get control of her body, but even after losing 20 pounds in 10 weeks using a diet sponsored by the New York City Board of Health, she found she couldn’t seem to stick to the plan in the long term. That was when she realized she needed the support of her friends. Nidetch began holding weekly meetings at her house, passing copies of the Board of Health Diet to anyone who came, with the hope that the more people were dieting together the better they all would do. Bear in mind, this predates the self-help movement and its attendant support-group networks. Nidetch and her friends were making this all up from scratch, and it turned out to be an addictive recipe. Within three months of her first meeting, more than 40 people were cramming into Nidetch’s house on a weekly basis. Over the next year, she started several different groups around the New York metro area, finally incorporating her fledgling business in May of 1963. Now down to a trim 142 pounds, Nidetch hosted her first official Weight Watchers meeting, drawing more than 400 attendees.

The Drinking Man’s Diet

In 1964, stylish San Franciscan Robert Cameron launched the one diet we would personally be ecstatic to follow. Combining his triple loves (booze, gourmet food, and weight loss), Cameron launched what he christened “The Drinking Man’s Diet,” aiming it at slightly chubby men-about-town such as himself. Cameron began the business with a simple pamphlet, price at $1 (cheap!) and within two years he’d sold more than 2 million copies. And no wonder. At its core, The Drinking Man’s Diet was a pre-Atkins take on the low-carbohydrate plan. In Cameron’s time, however, low-carb tended to take the form of country-club lunch foods: fine steaks, meaty fish, French sauces, and high-quality cheese. Cameron called this “man-type” food and supplemented it with a healthy daily serving of booze. Noting that distilled spirits, such as rum, vodka, and gin, all contained mere trace amounts of carbs, Cameron incorporated them into his plan, thus finding a way to stand out from the crowd by crafting a diet perfectly fit for the pages of Playboy. In fact, the Drinking Man’s Diet and Cameron himself are still going strong. The pamphlet now costs $4.95 on Amazon.com while Cameron remain svelte at 96 years old.

And Another Thing: The Other “Ayds”

Just a simple appetite-suppressant candy laced with phenylpropanolamine (try it in chocolate, caramel, or butterscotch!), Ayds were the toast of the weight-conscious 1970s. Then, the company hit a small marketing snag. Although company officials claimed that there had been no HIV-related impact on sales in 1983, within five years Ayds had lost 50 percent of its market share and the company was reluctantly forced to “soften” the name to “Diet Ayds,” a name that customers were less prone to associate with the horrific virus-related deaths.

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The article above was reprinted with permission from mental_floss‘ book In the Beginning.

From Big Hair to the Big Bang, here’s a Mouthwatering Guide to the Origins of Everything by our friends at mental_floss.

Did you know that paper clips started out as Nazi-fighting warriors? Or that cruise control was invented by a blind genius? Read it all in the book!

Arctic explorer Vilhjalmur Stefansson proposed a weight-loss plan that’s like an extreme version of the Atkins diet. After living in the northern tundra, Stefansson was amazed at how healthy the Inuit people were despite living off caribou, raw fish and whale blubber, and consuming hardly any fruits or vegetables. Stefansson was so intrigued by this diet—and claimed he had lived on it himself––that to prove its effectiveness he checked into New York’s Bellevue Hospital, where doctors monitored his health for several months. After observations, he was declared healthy.

Greene also describes less successful diets, including “slimming soap”, tapeworms, and cotton balls.

Link via Ace of Spades HQ | Photo: Stefansson Arctic Institute

Photo Via Angelsk [Flickr]

The Chewing Diet

The chewing diet was popularized in the Edwardian Era by Horace Fletcher. He believed that chewing allowed food to be properly absorbed into the body. Insufficient chewing would lead to constipation and clog up the digestive tract, said Fletcher. He lost 40 pounds in just four months using the diet he created. Dr. Kellogg was a friend and fan of Fletcher and he required patients at his sanatorium to participate in the chewing diet as well as a variety of other weight loss methods.

To properly implement the chewing diet, a person must chew each bite over 32 times, which takes approximately 30 seconds. After chewing is done, the person then tilts his or her head back and allows the food to trickle down their throat. Anything that is still too big to swallow must be spit out. The desire to eat things likely diminishes after a period on this diet, so it does work as you begin to eat less food.

Possible Side Effects May Include: A sore jaw. Much longer meal times. Annoyed and disgusted friends.

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The Tapeworm Diet

If you eat for two and aren’t pregnant, maybe it’s time to get a second mouth in your belly. A tapeworm can sure help eat all of that excess food. Around the turn of the century, these little parasites were sold in a simple pill form claiming to help you shed inches from your waist. It’s uncertain whether these pills actually had live tapeworms or if they were just another “snake oil” product, but what is certain is that people have intentionally used tapeworms as a weight loss method. Jockeys are amongst the many people purported to have used tapeworms as a diet.

Possible Side Effects May Include: Well for one, having a worm inside your stomach, which might cause nausea, headaches, infections and diarrhea. Some people’s organs are blocked by the eggs and this can result in death. There is no evidence that tapeworms actually help people lose much of weight, so the whole experience may be for nothing.

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The Sleeping Beauty Diet

You can’t eat while you sleep. So naturally, if you sedate yourself for days and neglect to eat as a result, this starvation diet may actually work for you. Elvis was a proponent of this weight loss method around the end of his life and the dieting method was also made popular in Valley of the Dolls.

Possible Side Effects May Include: A severe pill hangover can leave you with a headache, nausea and fatigue. Additionally, improper sedation might actually kill you and so might starvation.

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The Vision Diet

If your food looks disgusting, you’re less likely to eat it. While this is certainly true, it’s not enough to make the vision-dieter glasses any less silly. From the testimonials I’ve read, the glasses make you feel relaxed while going on your day to day routine, but they don’t help you lose much weight. Johnny Depp is a big fan of blue glasses, although it’s hard to say if he just likes their look or if he actually feels the effects from the lens color.

Possible Side Effects May Include: Looking like a geek in big blue glasses. Possible vision problems after prolonged exposure to the glasses.

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Washing Away The Pounds

If you’re showering everyday, you might as well lose weight while doing it, right? That’s the theory behind Aoqili diet soaps. These soaps contain seaweed that will penetrate skin and breakdown fat. There seems to be no evidence that this product works though, not even faked testimonials.

Possible Side Effects May Include: Some people have had allergic reactions to the soap’s ingredients.

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Ear Stapling

Ear stapling is exactly what its name implies, you pierce the cartilage of your inner ear and it supposedly suppresses your appetite. You can only leave it in for six weeks to three months because once your body gets used to the staple it will lose its effectiveness. While many people claim this weight loss method is highly effective, even its proponents can’t agree why. The most common explanation involves the piercing’s similarity to acupuncture.

Ear stapling is illegal in Florida and other states have regulated the practice to help decrease the number of infections it has caused.

Possible Side Effects May Include: Well, for one, you will have a staple in your ear, which may be a little painful. Secondly, you could get an infection, which could make you severely sick. Also, it is possible to receive nerve damage when the procedure is preformed improperly.

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The Cotton Ball Diet

The cotton ball diet is exactly what it sounds like, you eat cotton balls. Some people eat them dry and others soak them in gelatin first. Obviously the idea is that cotton balls are low in calories but very filling, so you won’t want to eat anything that is fattening. The cotton balls are also high in fiber, which is thought to be good for you –until you realize it’s not the kind of fiber you need in your diet.

Possible Side Effects May Include: Exceptionally boring, dry and disgusting meals. A lack of needed vitamins and other nutrients. Major digestive problems.

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The Blood Type Diet

The theory of the blood type diet is that every blood type has a set of foods best suited to it and if you eat according to your blood type, you will lose weight. Supposedly, a person with type A blood should be vegetarian and meditate, while those with type O blood should eliminate grains from their diet and do aerobics.

Possible Side Effects May Include: This diet may seem harmless, but depending on which blood type you have, your recommended diet may center around food that is bad for you. For example, many people are lactose intolerant, but anyone with type B blood is recommended to intake a lot of dairy –this could cause a lot of problems. Additionally, people with type A blood are told to eat a lot of wheat, but if someone has gluten intolerance, this could be dangerous.

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The Hallelujah Diet

Photo Via Wonderlane [Flickr]

The Hallelujah diet requires eating foods specifically mentioned in Genesis Chapter 1, Verse 29. These foods are all-natural, vegan, raw foods. Of course, in Genesis Chapter 9, Verse 3, God lifts these restrictions, but the hallelujah diet overlooks this.

In the diet, only 15% of a person’s daily intake of food is allowed to be cooked. Aside from the basic diet, the plan recommends exercise, rest, sunshine and elimination of stress. It seems pretty natural that anyone exercising, relaxing and eating vegan will be losing weight, regardless of whether God dictated it or not.

Possible Side Effects May Include: Like all vegan diets, a person must be very careful to get their daily intake of protein, vitamins and minerals. Other than that, this diet is mostly healthy, although it may annoy your friends.

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The Caveman Diet

This diet is also called the Paleolithic diet because the focus is based on food available to cavemen during the Paleolithic Era, around 10,000 years ago. This time period was prior to the development of agriculture, so the plants available to these dieters are mostly ones available to gatherers and hunters. Food can be cooked though because it was common practice in that era. Most participants will be limited to lean meat, fish, veggies, fruit, roots and nuts. Grains, dairy, salt, refined sugar, oils and legumes are all strictly prohibited.

Possible Side Effects May Include: Dieters may have a hard time getting their daily calcium intake, but other than that, it is not dangerous. Most restaurants do offer food that would fit into this dietary plan –steaks, salads, etc.

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How you know your kitty needs to go on a diet.

Link Via GiggleSugar

Update 2/28/09: Let’s not forget our article on this very subject: Top 15 Amazingly Fat Cats

6. A Diet of Oranges

Idi Amin

Although dictator Idi Amin bestowed upon himself the title of " His Excellency, President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, and Conqueror of the British Empire [CBE] jaffain Africa in General and Uganda in Particular", in exile he earned the nickname "Dr. Jaffa". Apparently he ate Jaffa oranges like there was no tomorrow, believing that they would act like Viagra for him. He ate fruit pretty much exclusively during this time period – a pretty amazing change for someone who is said to have been a cannibal.

Photo: The Bad Fads Museum

7. Goldfish swallowing
It’s pretty plausible that you’ve heard of someone who ate a live goldfish. I remember hearing about a kid in high school who ate a live minnow, only to puke it back up and discover it was still alive and kicking. Or flopping, as it were.

Anyway, this fad was goldfish sweeping the nation in the 1930s. Not everyone thought it was such a cool thing to do – many towns made it illegal and a Massachusetts Senator tried to pass a bill protecting the fish from "cruel and wanton consumption." Colleges threatened to expel students for such unbecoming behavior.

The fad passed (more or less) but not until after the record was established at 300+ goldfish swallowed by one man in one sitting.

10. Baskin Robbins Ice Cream Diet
Finally, a diet I can get behind. In Howard Hughes’ later years, it’s rumored that he enjoyed a diet of Baskin Robbins ice cream for most of his meals.

One story even goes like this: he harbored a serious addiction to Baskin Robbins’ banana nut flavor. He found out it was being discontinued and panicked, immediately ordering 350 gallons (some stories say 1,000 gallons) of that particular flavor. Less than a week after it arrived, he announced that he was sick of banana nut and only wanted vanilla from that point on.

I can’t find any confirmation for this story, though, so take it with a grain of salt. I, for one, think I could probably manage to survive on nothing but mint chocolate chip for the next 70-80 years.