James Myrick is a master beard artist. He's rather secretive about his methods, but my guess is that, by precise mental concentration, he can grow his beard into different shapes. The results are amazing, such as this hypnotic spiral.
Myrick, like all of us, needs money to live. But he lives in order to beard.
You can find him on Twitter at @hospitalcup.
Myrick once tried to shave with a kryptonite razor. The blade broke.
In the X-Men universe, Myrick would be considered an alpha level mutant. He would teach bearding at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. Wolverine would seek out his advice on how to manage his mutton chops.
As a serious Breaking Bad fan, Myrick suggests that we look upon his beard and despair.
But he's also a romantic and sentimental person at heart.