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How To Tell If You've Been Abducted By Aliens

This article is reprinted from Uncle John's Endlessly Engrossing Bathroom Reader.

Believe it or not, there is a support group called Abduct Anon for people who believe they've been kidnapped by extraterrestrials. Are you about to be abducted by aliens and subjected to medical experiments? Or has it happened already? Here are some signs that Abduct Anon and other UFO groups say you should be on the watch for.

AT BEDTIME

* You have chronic insomnia, and you hear a tapping or humming noise just as you're dropping off to sleep.

* You may dream of aliens and UFOs directly, or you may dream of vaguely mysterious beings but remember none of the details except one: The beings had very large eyes.

* You have the feeling you're being watched, especially as you're dropping off to sleep. Or you wake up in the middle of the night because you think someone -or something- is watching you. You may even see one or more shadowy figures standing around the bed, staring at you.

* You sleepwalk. You've gone to sleep in one place and woken up in another with no explanation for how it happened. (And alcohol is not involved.)

* For the first few seconds or minutes after awakening, you are paralyzed and can't move your body.

* When you wake up and find small drops of blood on your pillow, but there's no explanation for how they got there.

ON THE ROAD


* Your car breaks down unexpectedly with no explanation, often soon after you've spotted a UFO.

* You pull over to the side of the road… and the next thing you remember is standing next to or driving your car. Hours or even days may have passed, but you have no memory of what happened in the meantime. Your "broken down" car is running again, and you have no explanation for that, either.

* You have the sense that you have levitated to passed through solid objects such as the doors or roof of your car, perhaps as aliens lifted you into their spaceship.

DURING THE DAY

* You see smoke, fog, or haze at a time and in a place for which there is no logical explanation.


* You have an unexplained, irresistible desire to walk or drive to a particular location, where you believe something "familiar, yet unknown" will soon happen. You may experience a heightened level of anxiety in the days leading up to this strange happening.

PHYSICAL CHANGES

* You begin to get frequent nosebleeds and you don't know why.

* You have unexplained soreness or stiffness, or a mysterious rash on one or more parts of your body. There may also be evidence that your skin has been scraped (and a sample taken).

* You find new scars on your body and you have no idea how they got there. (And alcohol is not involved.)

* When you go in for your annual physical, your doctor finds strange, tiny probes implanted in your body.

WHAT'S UP, DOC?

* You may have a dim memory of a very probing (hint, hint) medical exam conducted against your will.

* You may also have memories of having your head placed in some kind of restraining device or long needles are inserted in your nostrils or ears, or something drills into your skull. These sensations may be accompanied by a burning smell. Human medical examiners who look  over you after the fact find no signs that such procedures have taken place.

AFTER THE FACT

* There may be evidence that the scene of your abduction has been "staged" to look as if nothing happened, but a few incorrect details might be noticeable. For example, if you went to bed wearing pajamas, you may wake up nude or dressed in only underwear, with the pajamas folded up neatly and placed at the foot of the bed. You may even wake up in the wrong room of the house. If you were abducted from your car, you may find that items in the car or in the trunk have been moved around.

* Your ability to remember things suddenly becomes stronger, and you may even develop psychic powers that enable you to see events in the future.


* You suddenly get a sense of mission or the feeling that you have been chosen (by the aliens) for an important purpose, but you don't know what it is. This often replaces feelings of low self-esteem that you had before the alien encounter.

* Electronic appliances behave strangely when you pass by. Computers crash, clocks lose time, radio and TV reception is distorted, and streetlights go dark as you walk under them.

* You develop a new phobia of some kind. Did you suddenly become afraid of spiders? Heights? Enclosed places? Crowds? The aliens may be to blame.

* You become obsessive-compulsive or develop addiction you didn't have before.

* You become less trusting of other people, especially doctors, police, and other authority figures, than you were before.

* You have an uncontrollable urge to take vitamins.

* You develop an interest in UFOs, astronomy, or physics. Or, conversely, an aversion to being around other people when they are discussing these subjects.


…DON'T LEAVE EARTH WITHOUT IT

If this topic has unsettled you, fear not! The St. Lawrence Agency of Altamonte Springs, Florida, sells a UFO abduction insurance policy that pays out $10 million, with a double-indemnity payment of $20 million "if the aliens insist on conjugal visits." Cost: $19.95 plus $3 for same-day shipping. The policy pays out $1 per year for ten million years or until the death of the policyholder, whichever comes first.

__________

The article above is reprinted with permission from Uncle John's Endlessly Engrossing Bathroom Reader.

Since 1988, the Bathroom Reader Institute had published a series of popular books containing irresistible bits of trivia and obscure yet fascinating facts. If you like Neatorama, you'll love the Bathroom Reader Institute's books - go ahead and check 'em out!


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