1. Toy Tazer
There are toy guns, toy bow and arrow sets, toy swords and more, but somehow a toy tazer still seems to take things a touch too far –particularly considering the “Police Electric Baton Shock” actually gives out real shocks. On the upside, it’s only $3.50, so it’s much cheaper than most kid’s toys.
2. The Kaba Kick
Russian Roulette is a ton of fun, but it’s unfortunately completely permanent. If you want to practice the game without those deadly consequences, then you’d better go ahead and start out with the Kaba Kick and the more gentle pink hippo kicks that replace bullets.
3. Cleaning Trolley
It’s totally normal for kids to pretend to do grown up jobs, after all, some kids play house, some play doctor, some play superhero and some play with chemistry sets, but who wants to be a janitor? Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like a better idea to push your kids towards an intellectual pursuit than a job in the cleaning industry.
4. Playmobile Security Checkpoint
This just might be one of the most popular terrible toys of all time. In fact, it has become sort of a strange collector’s item, accounting for the fact that it costs an incredible $175 on Amazon right now. That’s a pretty big rip off considering how inaccurate the toy is, I mean you can’t even take off the passenger’s shoes before they go through the checkpoint.
5. Peeing Dog
Maybe it’s just me, but part of the point of giving your kids a dog toy is to skirt the responsibility issues that come with giving your kids a real dog. Unfortunately, giving your little ones a dog toy that still pees in the house seems to negate that benefit. But hey, at least he looks cute.
6. Gelli Baff
I have to admit, I’m torn on this one. On the one hand, the gel turns the water into a nasty and disgusting goop and who wants their kids to bathe in something like that? On the other hand, anything that makes your kids want to take a bath is a good thing, right?
7. Pregnant Midge
Originally there was just Barbie, but then she met Ken and started making friends. Eventually Midge hit the scene, but once she got pregnant with Nicky, she just didn’t quite fit in with the partying Barbie crowd. These days, she’s mostly seen at home watching her three children and hoping some giant monster doesn’t come by to rip open her stomach to extract her newest baby.
8. Breast Feeding Doll
There’s nothing wrong with a little girl wanting to play mommy to her dolls, but when she starts breast feeding the toy, that’s when it becomes a problem. If you’re one of those handful of weirdos that thinks a little girl should know how to properly breastfeed an infant though, then this Bebe Gloton doll is just what you need to help make sure your little angel is 100% ready to have a little angel of her own.
9. The Punisher Shape Shifter
While in the box, this toy looks innocent enough, but this toy design just might be one of the most absurd I’ve ever seen. How could this toy actually get through design, research and marketing without anyone realizing just how ridiculous it is to have a giant “power pistol” coming from The Punisher’s groin or butt that shoots when you pull back on the sleeve.
10. Buzz Lightyear Sippy Cup
There’s nothing outright wrong with the idea of creating a Buzz Lightyear sippy cup…that is, until you put the straw right where his groin should be. To be fair, if you rotate the lid around it’s not so dirty, but the fact that you can even set it up to look like this is still pretty moronic.
11. Harry Potter Vibrating Broom
Again, this toy doesn’t seem like a bad idea until you give a young girl something to stick between her legs –and then make that thing vibrate. It wasn’t long before sex shops and parents alike took notice and Amazon quickly pulled the item from their inventory. But before that happened, the site had some great reviews like “When my 12 year old daughter asked for this for her birthday, I kind of wondered if she was too old for it, but she seems to LOVE it. Her friends love it too! They play for hours in her bedroom with this great toy. They really seem to like the special effects it offers (the sound effects and vibrating). My oldest daughter (17) really likes it too! I recommend this for all children."
What are your favorite terrible kid’s toys? Please share in the comments.