We've had some marvelously funny and inventive submissions to our contest imagining life trapped inside the NeatoShop warehouse while surrounded zombies. Neatoramanauts were challenged to think of creative uses for the contents of the warehouse as survival tools and weapons. Here are the three runners-up, each of whom wins a free t-shirt of his choice:
--Water and food:
Use (discontinued) Take out Trash container, tape to roof to catch rain, cut hole in bottom, use Hacked USB Flash drive to funnel into Zombie Juice water bottle (the apocalypse needs levity)And, if I can survive 12 years of undergrad and grad on mostly Ramen, then I can survive the zombie apocalypse on it as well.
For energy drink Zombie Awake! BATTLE!
Hand sanitizers! Pirate Bandaids will inspire fear and dread.
Pickle Soap--zombies (fact!) do not like pickles. Using pickle soap/lipbalm/mints will disguise the yummy smell of our tasty brains. The Bear hat will convince zombies that I am not a tasty human, but an untasty a bear.(Buffalo hat, Wolf hat, Chicken Mask, Horse Head Mas, etc…samesies.)The Emergency Inflatable Brains could be used to draw them away from me and the warehouse if I launch them off the roof.
--Weapons: The EnForKer! Rubber bands from Rubber Band Shooter Blaster Supreme attached to bent Extendable Backscratcher to make a bow. BBQ Sword Cooking forks(or Arrow Bookends) banded to Women of Science Rulers as arrows. If close combat happens, I may die because the Crowbar Bottle Opener and the Bloody Evidence Chef’s Knife are both discontinued.But, maybe I can jam the Screwpop 4-in one into a zombie head? Or flail around wildly with the Hammer Bottle Opener? And, to fill those long lonely apocolyptic nights, I will spend hours trying to figure out how to turn the Titanium Collar stays into projectiles with the Rubber Band Shooter Blaster Supreme.
--Other important things: Multiple-shaped Towel Treats of All KINDS, because a towel is the most useful thing in the universe! Micro-Max and Utili-Key!
Everyone knows zombies love brains.
And the best brain in the whole world, the creme de la creme brain would be Einstein's brain. So, I would set a trap using the Einstein Little Giant Vinyl Figure (zombies are stupid so they need a good visual to entice them) AND the Emergency Inflatable Brain as lures to bring the zombies to my trap.
The trap involves a blind alley with a window up high where I would be safe from them and can look down upon them (contemptuously, as well as physically). ha! I would be wearing the Skull Knit Mask and Glow in the Dark Skeleton Gloves so the zombies would take no notice of my luscious brain and not want to eat me!
My weapon would be composed of the Rubberband Shooter Blaster Supreme combined with the Nose Pencil Sharpener joined together (too complicated to describe how I do that) and my ammo would be Bucky Balls. Aim that nose at the zombies and they get a double blast of steel Bucky Balls to their noggins. Bam! Bam! Bam! As soon as one goes down the zombies eat him/her. They will be very busy eating and I will be busy killing them ALL!
First you spread a great number of Bucky Balls by the entrances and adjacent to them you have makeshift punji stakes made from an assortment of pens from the store and held upright by Mars Mud. As you watch the zombies humorously slip and impale themselves on the pens, you use the Rubber Band Shooter Blaster Supreme to entertain yourself and make pew pew noises while shooting at the zombies. They arent going to break through your line of stabby sticks and slippery balls. Might as well enjoy it. For sustenance...CANDY, All the sweet sugary delight you could wish for. Your parents aren't there to tell you not to. BONUS: To add the the Macalay Culkinesque antics, tie a rope made from the strings of the various t-shirts in the store to the horse head mask and fill it with heavy objects and swing it towards the approaching undead. Giggle at results.
But Justingo is the grand prize winner (and the most likely to survive), because he's devised the most effective weapon from our supplies:
In a zombie attack, I would think that defending myself against the horde is utmost important. Hence, I shall attempt to create the SHREDSORBLADE. Firstly, one needs the SAMURAI UMBRELLA. If you are tough like me, you would probably want to yield the large one (not the mini). Continuously smash the umbrella's cover off by stomping on it until you get a clean samurai bar with sword handle. Now take the SHREDSORS and unscrew it in the middle where the blades meet. Leave the handles on to tie it to the samurai umbrella. Now do this repeatedly until you get a whole row of Shredsor blades on each side of the umbrella. I should think you would need at least 3 Shredsors. That would give you a total of 54 blades. Now the SHREDSORBLADE is completed you are ready to destroy any zombies that stand in your way. Make 2 SHREDSORBLADE to have double the effect of yielding 2 swords. The blade handles make it really comfortable to use!
1. Use the Micro-Max 19-in-1 to unscrew (always have the Micro-Max with you as it is the most handy tool) 2. Use cable from Audio Bone 1.0 Headphones to tie Shredsor blade to umbrella.
I would keep several Fart Extinguishers with me and use them as flame throwers to burn those zombies up.
Bucky balls are also a good idea to have around as a trap to make the zombie lose their balance before you slice them up. Other LED lights, products with torches could serves as a distraction to the zombie or to mislead them!
Please only use the Shredsorblade in the event of a zombie attack as it is too deadly. Hope we survive.
Excellent, Justingo. You win a Sorting Hat! As for the rest of you, well, you were simply delicious.