Inflatable Swimwear for Summer

By StevenMJohnson in Fashion, Museum of Possibilities on Jul 2, 2010 at 5:27 am

It has always been my habit to give an idea – any idea – a fighting chance to percolate in my mind for a while, letting it have full reign to explore its own possibilities. The flip side of this liberal and undisciplined attitude towards my own ideas is that they may seem irresistible and attractive even after their flaws are already apparent. Take my idea for Inflatable Swimwear. Was it really an idea worth elaborating, wasting my time on? The disadvantages of inflatable swimwear were immediately obvious! It is not only the opposite of sleek looking, but it presents an obstacle, even when not inflated, to rapid and efficient swimming.

Yet it seems I did not know when to stop once I got this idea. Wishing to improve on it, I worried about the way an inflated top of a two-piece swimsuit would likely ride up around the neck while swimming, possibly exposing the breasts.Β  I addressed that flaw by creating a full body inflatable suit, as shown in yellow.

Thinking further, I wondered how such a suit might be inflated quickly and easily, given that blowing it up by mouth – as anyone who has blown up an air mattress by mouth on a camping trip can attest – is tiring and takes seemingly forever.Β  Here, I adapted several items, commonly worn at the beach or swimming pool, as air pumps.

Naturally, an inflatable swimsuit would be cause for snickering and derisive laughter. Yet if a life were saved, who would be laughing then?

The style choices for a man’s inflatable swimsuit would, according to present standards of allowable public nudity, allow for two options. The suit could either be worn as trunks or as a single-piece, full body suit, similar in appearance to the modest style favored by male and female swimmers during the Victorian era.
More study is needed. If the inflatable chambers were placed mostly on the front side of the suit, such a design would tend to pull the swimmer over onto his or her back, which might make it difficult to swim, or to keep the head raised. Thinking more broadly, if getting an all-day sunburn – a burn on the front side of the body only – is desired, it would be easy to create a swimsuit that includes an inflatable raft on the back side that also supports the head. It could even include a hole for holding drinks. Excuse me, while I head to the drafting table to work on it!


What The World Needs Now (Autographed Editions)
If you like Steven M. Johnson's Museum of Possibilities, you'll love his book! What The World Needs Now is packed with 152-pages full of his wonderful, zany, and plain weird inventions: Link

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  1. Shakespeare
    Jul 2nd, 2010 at 6:46 am

    So gross! The first one would likely help a person drown by holding up the wrong parts of their body. Having only the top inflate would be smarter, as with the second example. Honestly, though, putting just a bit of the floating material in the chest area would be enough to keep most people afloat.

    Weird.

  2. Edward
    Jul 2nd, 2010 at 7:07 am

    I assume this is intended to be comedy.

  3. Gatticus Finch
    Jul 2nd, 2010 at 7:29 am

    Not sure why your mail model had to be Walt Disney channelling Hitler. I assume you were just channelling all your hatred.

  4. Kalel
    Jul 2nd, 2010 at 8:09 am

    I’m sure these would be quite expensive, when you consider the effects of inflation.

  5. Tim Giachetti
    Jul 2nd, 2010 at 8:27 am

    WOW! That first one should be called the Kardashian.

    “From zero to Km,
    with the pull of a sting.”

  6. pushpins
    Jul 2nd, 2010 at 8:55 am

    This is porn right? Like people masturbate to this

  7. smallerdemon
    Jul 2nd, 2010 at 9:02 am

    Because none of these looks grossly inappropriate or just damn strange. Not at all.

  8. StevenMJohnson
    Jul 2nd, 2010 at 9:24 am

    Perhaps this Friday’s blog, which was supposed to be a JOKE, fell flat as it were.

  9. April
    Jul 2nd, 2010 at 9:27 am

    I’d rather drown, thanks.

  10. Vonskippy
    Jul 2nd, 2010 at 10:36 am

    I think you’re missing the demographics here on Neatorama by several decades.

  11. Alex
    Jul 2nd, 2010 at 11:01 am

    I, for one, continue to find Steve’s posts rather amusing. I suspect satire is a dead art to young people.

  12. StevenMJohnson
    Jul 2nd, 2010 at 11:24 am

    I have one fan today! Thanks Alex. I am thinking how “flat tire” is a close rhyme with “satire.” I am sure some of my concepts will be more successful with this demographic than others.

  13. Vonskippy
    Jul 2nd, 2010 at 11:42 am

    Like they said on Galaxy Quest – “never give up, never surrender!”.

  14. Rob
    Jul 2nd, 2010 at 11:57 am

    goddess forbid anyone should have the temerity to think out loud…good to see people getting worked up over the things that REALLY matter…lighten up a bit everyone, that’s an order!

  15. swissonian
    Jul 2nd, 2010 at 12:50 pm

    IsnΒ΄t that Miss Cellania on that one pic?

  16. bikster
    Jul 2nd, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    SMJ! I love you and your ideas! I am so glad you have joined Neatorama!

  17. StevenMJohnson
    Jul 2nd, 2010 at 9:10 pm

    bikster: Write me (if you wish, that is). You can find my email address on http://www.patentdepending.com.

  18. Oh, rly?
    Jul 2nd, 2010 at 11:01 pm

    @Gatticus Finch–”mail” model? Oh, you mean “male” model.

  19. Ria
    Jul 3rd, 2010 at 8:32 am

    Hey, I’ve read your books and am so glad you have joined neatorama.

  20. CoreyCMathews
    Jul 5th, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    I’ll go the beer gut swimwear, that looks hilarious. Keep those ideas percolating.

  21. nik
    Jul 6th, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    oh dear! Judging by how these wonderful posts are received here in general, I shudder to think whether most if not all of this website’s content is considered to be meant as posted. You’re missing the point by, well, miles… go look up a crash course on “The subtle art of satire” (oh, and while you’re at it see if there’s a free seat in the “irony and sarcasm for dummies” class as well). sheesh!

  22. Brian L. Baker
    Jul 8th, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    CO2 cartridges – instant inflation.

  23. whywait99
    Jul 9th, 2010 at 10:40 am

    COOOOOOOOOL!


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