The Masai Warriors’ Guide to Britain

Posted by Emperor in Everything Else on April 3, 2008 at 11:09 pm


masai_150

A group of Masai warriors are going to be running the London Marathon this year, which could be enough to get a mention here, but it gets better. To avoid any potential culture clash problems (so funny in films, so unfunny if you happen to stick a spear in someone’s pet goat, and rather lacking in humour in Crocodile Dundee 2) a charity has prepared a useful guide for them, which contains some handy tips we’d all be advised to bear in mind (especially the French):

  • “Even though some [Brits] may look like they have a frown on their face, they are very friendly people - many of them just work in offices, jobs they don’t enjoy, and so they do not smile as much as they should.“
  • “You cannot rely on the sun to tell the time accurately and will have to rely on clocks and watches. The sun will rise and set at different times.“
  • “Whereas at home for you it is acceptable to spit, in England it is not but, if you have to, you must do so in a sink or in some trees when no one is looking.“
  • “If you see something that someone else has, like a bracelet, and you like it, then the person will find it very unusual if you were to take it and wear it.”
  • “if someone was to see a thief and chase after him and, when they catch him they hurt him, then the person who hurt the thief would go to prison as well as the thief.“
  • “You may see these animals in a field, seemingly left alone. It is important to remember that these animals are owned by someone and are being looked after.”
  • “You will see many people who are wearing only small clothes and you will wonder why they are cold and may think they are being disrespectful. This is normal for England, especially when it is sunny or in the evening. However, it is illegal to show certain parts of the body and for this reason it is important that you wear underpants if you are wearing your blankets.”
  • “When people drink they [seem] sillier or different.”

So, if you only spit in trees and remember to wear your underpants when out and about, everything should be tickety-boo.

Link - via XFM

Update: Thanks to Miss Cellania for  pointing out there is a serious reason for their trip - they are being sponsored to run the marathon and hope to raise enough money to ensure a clean water supply in their village. Find out more, and donate, at Maasai Marathan.org.



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COMMENT

27 comments to "The Masai Warriors’ Guide to Britain"

  1. adriano518
    April 3rd, 2008 at 11:39 pm

    they can run fast as hell

  2. Lemons
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:04 am

    It’s probably worth noting that many current members of urban society would do well to keep these rules in mind…particularly the underpants one.

  3. Padraig
    April 4th, 2008 at 2:37 am

    Brilliant! I do think, however, that most Brits would find it a bit more than “unusual” if a Masai warrior were to take their jewelry and wear it! Love the image it conveys (perhaps an idea for a cartoon?).

  4. Lasse
    April 4th, 2008 at 5:03 am

    This guide is actually very useful,

  5. empty-minded
    April 4th, 2008 at 6:22 am

    If I were running in a marathon (not likely to happen) and I saw a Masai warrior in tribal clothing carrying a spear and shield behind me, I think I would run a hell of a lot faster (that would actually happen). I’m curious to see what their presence will mean to the other contestants.

    I’ve never been to England but I was in Toulon, France once. The people there pee in bushes and trees in front of God and everybody. One guy was standing on the sidewalk peeing on the side of building. I had to cross the street to walk past him. He waved at me.

    I can’t wait to read the post race news coverage.

  6. Dave
    April 4th, 2008 at 6:41 am

    FYI: The word is typically spelled “Maasai”.

    I wonder if there is there a similar guide for Brits (or Americans) visiting Kenya?

  7. Acedia
    April 4th, 2008 at 7:39 am

    “You will see many people who are wearing only small clothes and you will wonder why they are cold and may think they are being disrespectful.”

    Not sure I understand this bit — are the runners wearing less clothing than the Maasai warriors in the photo? (Particularly since we can assume that they’re wearing no underclothing?)

    Also, I think the part about the sun could have been a bit clearer — on first reading it sounded rather like the sun in Britain rose and set at random times each day!

  8. Rosi1
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:16 am

    I think there should be a guide like this for all tourists to England.
    You’d need a few extra rules though:
    1) We are English, not stupid. You do not need to speak louder to us.
    2) Don’t attempt to start a conversation with the person you are sitting next to on the bus/train (loads of tourists do this…). British people don’t really start up conversations with strangers (forget everything you heard about Brits being friendlier than Americans: it’s completely the opposite).
    3) No, we don’t all know Prince William. Or Hugh Grant. Or Keira Knightley. Yes Britain is smaller than America, but it’s still got the same number of people as Texas, California and New York combined.
    4) WE DRIVE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD.

  9. andrewdoane
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:50 am

    Is this for real? It seems like a joke.

    I get a kick out of the thief one - that probably seems like a very natural thing to do. The person who wrote the list deserves credit for putting it in simple terms. S/he didn’t say “the courts in this country punish criminals,” s/he said “you will go to jail if you hurt a thief.”

  10. RKelly
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:50 am

    I can just hear the narrator of “The God’s must be Crazy” while reading the guides.

  11. rhea_sun
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:55 am

    Can’t wait for the results of this guide. it’s a good idea, actually, customs vary in every country.

  12. Nastia
    April 4th, 2008 at 9:12 am

    Yea I would definitely buy a book with a bunch of these lists compiled for different countries/places… I wonder if there’s a website

  13. samantha
    April 4th, 2008 at 9:14 am

    this is wrong on so many levels…

    i hope it’s a joke… at least the “prepping them” for england. if they want to run, i’m all for that.

  14. JoBo S
    April 4th, 2008 at 9:57 am

    I agree with Lemons. This list of rules would be good for MANY people in modern societies.

  15. Chris
    April 4th, 2008 at 10:00 am

    Why wear underpants under your blanket? The Scots don’t.

  16. Miss Cellania
    April 4th, 2008 at 12:47 pm

    Read up on why the Maasai are coming to England. They are raising money to build a water system for their village.

    http://www.maasaimarathon.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=c_pages.showPage&pa geID=1&CFID=8093&CFTOKEN=50933868

  17. Emperor
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:07 pm

    Good point. I have updated the post to include a link.

  18. tabest
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:28 pm

    I’m curious to know their thoughts on the experience and the cultural differences afterwards.

  19. Emperor
    April 4th, 2008 at 1:43 pm

    It is a great story (even without the guide) and so we’ll keep an eye out for any news and post a follow-up at some point.

  20. Reed
    April 4th, 2008 at 2:42 pm

    Wait, the sun rises and sets at different times in England?? England really is a strange land!

  21. ted
    April 4th, 2008 at 4:29 pm

    That whole “rises and sets at different times” is completely inaccurate. The sun is perpetually rising and setting. As it rises somewhere, it is setting somewhere else.

    I think Rosi1 may be a bit confused - Masai warriors are not tourists from America.

  22. oezicomix
    April 4th, 2008 at 6:05 pm

    then again, hard to see the sun in the land of grey, rainy skies, isn’t it?

  23. Angstrom
    April 4th, 2008 at 8:17 pm

    I’m not sure if you know of a UK documentary series called “meet the Natives” , where some guys from a remote island called Vanatu came to England and “met the natives”.

    It was quite an interesting few programs. It was unusual in tone too (for this sort of show), because all the participants were presented well. In addition the Vanatuvians (?) were quite shocked at how badly we live and our general state of well being.

    http://www.channel4.com/video/meet-the-natives/

  24. Dave
    April 4th, 2008 at 10:08 pm

    The bit about the sun rising and setting makes sense when you consider that the Maasai are from Kenya, which straddles the Equator. There day and night are of equal lengths, and stays that way year round.

  25. ted
    April 4th, 2008 at 10:22 pm

    It’s not the idea that the length of days are different in England and Kenya - it’s how the concept was worded. Could have been stated a little more clearly.

  26. Adam Stanhope
    April 5th, 2008 at 8:49 am

    Awesome post!

  27. su.wei
    April 7th, 2008 at 11:13 pm

    totally donating to the cause! :)


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