The Oracle of Starbucks.

1. Muenster
   August 8th, 2007 at 7:29 am

   Well now I know that Starbucks looks at me the same way I look at them “Lame”. Yes, I only want a medium coffee. Yes, I will continue to say medium. I will never understand how one person operates the register and it takes a whole other person to pour a cup of coffee. The worker at the register will stand there and stare at me but is not allowed to pour me coffee? How am I supposed to take this place serious?

2. Jimmy
   August 8th, 2007 at 7:46 am

   I entered ‘doppio’ and the oracle tells me that Starbucks doesn’t have that on the menu. Some oracle.

3. Scott Wetterschneider
   August 8th, 2007 at 8:41 am

   Yeah… I order a “large house” pretty much all the time, and the Oracle suggested I would get pointed an laughted at, *sob*

4. Eni
   August 8th, 2007 at 9:42 am

   It called me a stripper.

5. b
   August 8th, 2007 at 10:12 am

   “There is no Starbucks where I live”

   I find that statement hard to believe; where do you live - Utopia?

6. Justin
   August 8th, 2007 at 10:13 am

   I entered “A Venti Tall Glass of Warm Urine” and I got this

   Personality type: High Maintenance
   ….
   Also drinks: Water. Bottled, chilled, with four ice cubes, a twist of lemon, in a crystal glass.
   Can also be found at: Trendy martini bars

   Yeah, pretty accurate for a urine drinker

7. AmericanLeaguer
   August 8th, 2007 at 10:46 am

   Meunster- It most likely is a law wherever you are that the person handling cash cannot also handle food products without washing hands between transactions. It is probably more efficent fo one person to only work at the register and another to touch food products.

   I get pointed and laughed at…even when I am not at Starbucks ordering…

8. kim
   August 8th, 2007 at 11:04 am

   true story.
   we were stopped at a ny thruway starbucks, i’d never been to one before. I asked for a small. The woman took on a look like a deer in the headlights. She was totally lost.
   Had no idea whatsoever what to do.
   I will continue to order a small if I ever go back.

9. Some crazy dork
   August 8th, 2007 at 12:25 pm

   It irritates me when people boast about how much they don’t go to Starbucks, or how they only order ‘normal’ coffee and refused to use the word ‘grande’. I just don’t feel the need to justify my ‘individuality’ via my coffee practices.
   Starbucks is often a convient choice and carries beverages that are tasty and caffinated. Why is this a big deal?

   On the other hand, when the stabucks employees act idiotic about things (like not knowing what a ’small’ is), that’s pretty darn annoying. But employees like that are probably just annoying people in all aspects of life. I hate it when people just refuse to think ‘just a little bit’ outside of their own definitions to try to figure out what someone else is communicating. rrggg..

   ok, sorry for the rant.

10. latte
    August 8th, 2007 at 12:40 pm

    is the gag that if you shop at starbucks, you suck? they said my tall iced vanilla latte means i love america’s funniest home videos.

    i bet that really is true of people who go to starbucks.

11. Lydia
    August 8th, 2007 at 12:59 pm

    Personality type: Pseudo-intellectual

    You’re liberal and consider yourself to be laid back and open minded. Everyone else just thinks you’re clueless. Your friends hate you because you always email them virus warnings and chain letters “just in case it’s true.” All people who drink small tazo chai iced tea latte are potheads.

    Also drinks: Sparkling water
    Can also be found at: Designer grocery stores

12. Stacyj
    August 8th, 2007 at 1:18 pm

    I’m an asshat! I “spout off angry, liberal opinions about issues [I] don’t understand”! Yay!

13. Miss Cellania
    August 8th, 2007 at 1:56 pm

    Sounds like I would have come out just as badly if I DID have a “regular order”!

14. Chris
    August 8th, 2007 at 2:14 pm

    “All people who drink chai latte king size are potheads.”

    Darn.

    I’ve always been amazed by the coffee ordering lingo that I’ve never been able to master, if not understand: size, number of cups, number of ice cubes, quantity of sugar has been coded insanely.
    If you guys have a link, it would be welcome.
    In the meantime, I’ll have a double double lite with room.

15. Bryan
    August 8th, 2007 at 3:35 pm

    Could someone explain to me why Starbucks is evil? I was always under the impression that they were a pretty progressive company, yet every progressive I see online hates them with a passion.
    Note that I live in one of those odd black holes that doesn’t have a Starbucks and I’ve never been to one, so maybe I’m missing something obvious.

16. natasha
    August 8th, 2007 at 4:16 pm

    I said i wanted a grande peppermint mocha and it called me a stripper

17. ethicalBob
    August 8th, 2007 at 5:52 pm

    “Could someone explain to me why Starbucks is evil? ”

    Bryan,

    Starbucks is convenient; but like any great idea that grows too rapidly, the product suffer with the growth. For one, starbucks’ coffee is generally horrible, brewed, mixed and served fast-food style by employees who have little care for the product or customer.

    Starbucks also has a nasty habit of positioning themselves near, or just outright buying local coffee houses, driving independent business owners out of the market. I can already hear someone replying with “well, that’s capitalism” - perhaps, but it is hard to compete with a corporation that has a practically endless well of funding.

    In NYC we have areas we call “starbucks triangles” which is any location where you can stand, throw a rock and hit 3 different starbucks locations from the same spot.

    Too much market saturation…

18. Lenore
    August 9th, 2007 at 1:11 am

    Starbucks is also evil for using the wrong terminology. Starbucks has become so pervasive that their ordering terms are, in some places, more well known than the traditional terms, leading to coffee ordering confusion everywhere. When you go into a real coffee shop and order a macchiato, they shouldn’t feel the need to remind you that theirs isn’t like Starbucks’, should they?

    The oracle said I was clueless and didn’t go to Starbucks much. The latter half at least is true.

19. sarahenity
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:20 am

    tells me i’m a clueless stripper who drinks wine-coolers.

    that’s… accurate.

20. B.
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:33 am

    I hate coffee, and so I normally order a small hot chocolate. it said that i’m the gal who tags along with her friends when they visit starbucks because i have nothing better to do. That is true. It also said that i’m the kind of person who would order a Tazo Chai Crème, which I think I have before (or something tazo).

    it also said that i’m most likely a stripper. which is not true. xD

21. Beez
    September 13th, 2007 at 3:02 pm

    Hey, what’s wrong with strippers anyway!? I happen to love strippers.

PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT