Hey anony: We could go into business together. The Half-A-heart would be available only in pink, of course. The single bag would be just a bit awkward feeling, leading one to seek out a mate (in the form of a person)! Yet relationships are so short and impermanent these days.
I haven't yet split up with my wife of 44 years. Don't plan to,either. But if I did, who would get both halves of our Half-A-Heart? So many questions.

@bii: And I, on the other hand, have recently had to have a bunch of pre-cancerous growths frozen and burned off my face. They are the result of an insane amount of over-exposure to the sun at various California beaches!

Kalel: I will need a down payment before I consider installing the LRAD cannon.

Hey, Neatorama readers, just so I don't start FEELING BAD today because I have not read all the wonderful works you have pointed to that already existed, I will comfort myself in thinking that I TAPPED INTO a cultural thought stream. :)

I am happy to learn that not only the concept but the actual words, Car Wars, were conceived long before I had thought of them (last year)!

Yes they are a quaint stylistic remnant, not serving any purpose. Interestingly, the last extant photo of Saddam Hussein shows him with a neck tie, if you get my reference...

Teh! I am sorry. Some day in the future, as the wonderful possibilities of the Internet become more fully exploited, you will have a machine at your home that dispenses different types of remedies, concoctions and medicines, and I, out of sympathy, will activate your machine from my home, dispensing a nausea remedy.
Ah, we have only begun to use the Internet!

Maxwell: The middle initial in my name stands for Maxwell.
I want you to know that I won't sleep well until I know the outcome of your cot story.

Michaelpeets: I agree with you about the sagging pants. There was a moment, early in Season 9 of American Idol, when a failed contestant acted out his song, "Pants on the ground" in front of the Idol judges and it became an instant sensation. He was referring to sagging pants. Before sagging pants there was a phenomenon called "plumber's butt", which always gets a laugh on TV sitcoms. I love fads, and with the sagging pants phenomenon my first thought is to wonder how these guys are able to run, or even to walk fast!
Thanks, Michealpeets.

Hey, Gail. Thanks. Colin believes my work is utter nonsense. I try for that, yes. But as to my remark about workers now "cowering in their cubicles," well, one once again I will refer to Barbara Ehrenreich’s excellent book, This Land Is Their Land: Reports from a Divided Nation (2008), which is my current (depressing) nighttime reading. Barbara's first book, Nickel & Dimed, is taught in English classes.
And Kalel, I am now designing a line of pajama workwear, thank you!

Regarding the comment by several here that some of these ideas were already explored on Seinfeld, I should note that the Seinfeld series did not launch until 1989, when I was over 50. I had been working with these concepts for a decade or more. Is it my fault that the creators of Seinfeld were still in short pants when I started working on this? :)

The NEATORAMA commenters are a sharp-eyed bunch, many of whom are intent on educating me by pointing out the flaws in my concepts. I am glad they are on their toes. But I have to laugh at Staxeon's remark that my cartoons would be against building code. Is there a building code for cartoon buildings, I wonder?

Neatorama (and I) would love it if you shared my work with others!

Mr. Ohmygodman: We are the same person! :)
What is true is that in the 1970s I contacted a firm that installed underground bomb shelters for $3000. Alas, I couldn't quite afford it. I had wanted a place to meditate that was quiet, and a concrete room under our backyard Hypericum bed seemed like it would be an ideal place.

bikster: Write me (if you wish, that is). You can find my email address on www.patentdepending.com.