Okay, you can't be the Tiger King. Or the Lion King. But you can, thanks to a zoo in northern Japan, have lion-ripped pants. You can casually bring up in conversations with friends how your pants were torn up without mentioning that you weren't wearing them at the time.

Sora News 24 reports that the North Safari Sapporo zoo in Japan is offering this service as way of earning revenue while the zoo is closed to visitors during the coronavirus lockdown. Lion-mauled jeans cost about $639. Other items available include coasters gnawed beavers, paintings made by goats, monkeys, or seals, and earrings made from shed snake skin.

Image: Campfire

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A post shared by Simon De Thuillières (@simondethuillieres) on May 22, 2020 at 2:29pm PDT

Simon De Thuillières (the appropriate pseudonym of artist Renaud Garcia), recasts the great stories of modern times with medieval tones. Although his text is written in French, it's possible for the non-French speaker to quickly see which film or television show has traveled back to the age of illuminated manuscripts.

In this case, Sylvester Stallone's character in Demolition Man is an object of ridicule because he doesn't understand how to use the three seashells instead of toilet paper.

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🍈🍈🍈 · · ヨーダメロン · · あまり 笑顔が 似合わない彼 · · 🤭 · · #メロンアート#スターウォーズ #おうちごはんlover#フーディーテーブル#マカロニメイト#ヨーダ#yoda#melon#melonart #wp_deli_japan#IgersJP#ig_japan#instafood#foodart#instagood#starwars #disney#disneyfood

A post shared by えとにママ (@etn.co_mam) on Jun 4, 2020 at 2:41am PDT

Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. Even a melon can become more when Japanese food artist Etoni Mama gets to work. Most recently, she crafted this delicious display of Yoda. It would have been perfect to eat for a May the Fourth party.

Kozo, a tattoo artist at the Bang Bang studio in New York City, makes ink with such precision that you'd swear that you're looking at a photograph or a digital rendering. He often uses figures from pop culture, such as this condensed image of the Last Supper.

A Florida woman was about to head out for a coffee run when she was jolted awake by two alligators fighting outside her front door. https://t.co/eRNPRYJ1OR pic.twitter.com/xeBEKE0jZg

— ABC News (@ABC) June 3, 2020

Does your home have a Door Gator? They're wonderful appliances. Susan Geschel of Fort Myers, Florida has not just one, but two Door Gators! She was about to step out to pick up some fresh coffee when she saw the alligators fighting just outside her front door. ABC News (auto-start video) reports:

After about 20 minutes by her house, one of the alligators walked across the street to a neighbor’s home while the other disappeared from the area and could have gone to a nearby pond, she added.

Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission Spokeswoman Melody Kilborn said the fighting alligators were reacting to being in a confined space.

-via Super Punch

Mose Triplett (1846-1938) initially enlisted in the Confederate Army, then defected in 1864 to the United States, where he served in the US Army for the remainder of the Civil War. This latter action qualified him for a pension from the federal government.

In 1930, at the age of 83, he sired a daughter from his wife, who was 50 years younger than him. That child, Irene Triplett, had mental disabilities. She thus qualified to inherit his pension of $73.13 per month. When she died last Sunday at the age of 90, she was the last person to receive a pension related to Civil War service from the US government.

-via Kurt Schlichter | Photo: Facebook

Cosplayer and gamer Ginny Di, who can insult or seduce you with appropriate Dungeons & Dragons lines, is back! Although you're a target within ranged attack, she wants you closer--close enough for an attack of opportunity with a melee weapon. Be prepared for her to grapple your body and heart with this love song.

-via Geek Tyrant

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бритье с топором 😎 смотреть до конца ☝️ . . . #barbershop #barberconnect #wahlclub #rebelbarber #barberinrussia #hairstylesmenofficial #barberheads #sharpfade #reuzel #nbahaircuts #nbastyles #mensfashion #style @thebarberpost @barbershopconnect @BARBERCON_RUSSIA @barberliferussia @lsbrussia @hairstylesmenofficial @schorembarbier #reuzelme @notoriousbarbers @savillsbarbers @sickestbarbers @barbertreasure @nastybarbers @barbersontour @national_barbers_association @internationalbarbers @top10barbers @_barber_ @barbermoskva @erkeksacmodelleri @berberlerdunyasi @worldofbarbers @ukmasterbarbers #barbermoskva #internationalbarbers #top10barbers #fashion #mensfashion #style #fade #стрижки #hairstyle #haircut

A post shared by Qurbon Ali Qurbonov (@qurbon_ali_qurbonov) on Feb 26, 2020 at 5:07am PST

You shave with a safety razor? That's cute. Qurbon Ali Qurbonov, a barber in Samarkand, Uzbekistan, has a more testosterone-infused way of shaving a man's head. He uses a very sharp axe fit for combat. It's useful for general manscaping.

-via Toxel

Tonya Ruiz, a former model turned custom toymaker, has for years made realistic versions of Barbie and her household accessories. She publishes them on her appropriately-named Instagram feed Grandma Gets Real.

Recently, she's been producing kits for what Barbie, Ken, and their children would actually be living like if they were quarantined during the pandemic. Barbie is getting by as a homeschooling mom of young children who rarely dresses appropriately during her Zoom meetings and enjoys her new hobbies of baking and assembling jigsaw puzzles.

-via Colossal

Redditor Alan Brendan made this enormous eyeglasses sculpture for his wife's optometry office. They advertise the company's services while protecting desk workers from airborne viral infections.

It's an impressive piece of craftsmanship. Brendan describes the process:

After measuring the front desk carefully I created it in Illustrator and sent the lenses and temple detail to a local sign maker to custom cut. I cut the rest of the frame from a piece of half-inch plywood, glued it up and spray painted it black. It honestly took a lot less time than I expected and I’m really happy with the results. We wanted to bring a little bit of fun to this very not fun situation.

[...]

I was going to order square panels to hang in front of the reception desk, but recognized that two panels = glasses. The safety measures that we were putting in place in the office were becoming overwhelming—so many new procedures, barriers, masks, and cleaning supplies. We felt like doing something fun—both for us and something that might lighten the mood of someone walking through the front door.

It probably cost about four times the price of square panels, but was totally worth it.

-via TYWKIWDBI

What would happen if you spliced two Lord of the Rings characters together Tuvix style? Some anonymous person on the internet put a lot of thought into that question, produced this chart, and is prudently keeping quiet about it.

Frodalf looks like someone I'd like to party with. Gandli looks like one of my co-workers who is quite normal. But Goldo will give me nightmares.

-via Geekologie

No, don't look! Don't look! What you'll see staring out of the mirror will turn you to stone!

Etsy seller SlipperyFishJewelry offers this fresh take on stained glass that would make a perfect gift for someone who needs to tend to their appearance carefully. At 15 inches tall, it's appropriately life size.

-via So Super Awesome

I'm drooling from just looking at this outfit. Estelle Peacock, a dressmaker who specializes in gowns and dancing costumes, made this delicious outfit that looks like a fully-stacked cheeseburger. Throw in a drink and fries and I'll buy it!

-via Geekologie

Reporter Kimberly Adams asked her uncle, David K. North, what he was doing to keep himself busy during the lockdown. His response was to send photos of his Doorway to the Imagination. This sculpture appropriately appears to be a magical door leading to another dimension. If you need to, peek through the window before opening the door.

You can see more photos in Adams's Twitter thread. North's incredibly charming smile makes them even better.

-via Aaron Starmer

Which do you suggest? Scan the QR code to open the Google Form that lets you rank the colors. I voted for Blessed Blue, which is #4. If you live in Portland, Oregon, which is where redditor USMCFoto took the picture, you can also visit to get a closer look.

This method could also be used with other decisions, such as hiring decisions for employers or baby names for parents.

-via Twisted Sifter