~Original illustration by: @Pants~

How do kids make fun of each other now that they’re all fat? bit.ly/MjT2Mo @itsmenickyt

— Team Twaggies (@twaggies) July 12, 2012

Movies are so unrealistic. This guy’s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once... bit.ly/MktXDr @AristotlesNZ

— Team Twaggies (@twaggies) July 11, 2012

Way too many people in America are singing. There should be like 6 designated singers and that’s it. twaggies.com/2012/07/no-835… @shawnries

— Team Twaggies (@twaggies) July 10, 2012

~Original illustration by: @Pants~

My first and last twitter novel: It was the “whatevs” of times, it was the “meh” of times. The end. bit.ly/RSfWPM @everysandwich

— Team Twaggies (@twaggies) July 10, 2012

~Original illustration by: @Pants~

Listen. You can keep retaking all the pictures you want, but that’s what your face looks like. bit.ly/LI16rS @JennyJohnsonHi5

— Team Twaggies (@twaggies) July 9, 2012

~Illustrated by: Bela Messex~

“I’m past my Optimus Prime.” – Depressed Transformer bit.ly/MSV4s0 @TomHanksIsHot

— Team Twaggies (@twaggies) July 8, 2012

I think about sex every 3.14159265 seconds. I’m π-sexual. bit.ly/OIoLvr @kelkulus

— Team Twaggies (@twaggies) July 8, 2012

The Amazing Spider-Man? They put out Spider-Man reboots faster than I can fly around the planet. bit.ly/NIeWc1 @JerkSuperman

— Team Twaggies (@twaggies) July 6, 2012

“?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!” – Dogs on the 4th of July. twaggies.com/2012/07/dog-ca… @Kyle_Lippert

— Team Twaggies (@twaggies) July 5, 2012

~Illustrated by: Austin Madison~

Farts are just food ghosts. bit.ly/KSiMPV @vhstapes2 via @munchanka

— Team Twaggies (@twaggies) July 4, 2012

Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito? bit.ly/Le3YRx @kellyoxford

— Team Twaggies (@twaggies) July 2, 2012

~Original illustration by: @Pants~

If girls REALLY wanted nice guys, they’d look for them at Star Wars conventions instead of bars. bit.ly/LH7IVt @smethanie

— Team Twaggies (@twaggies) July 1, 2012

Seeing how many bow ties you can fit on a giraffe would be an awesome job. bit.ly/QKijDT @PaulyPeligroso

— Team Twaggies (@twaggies) July 1, 2012

Hey, @MTV.You should probably drop the ‘M’ now. bit.ly/LKSbtV @Schmoodles

— Team Twaggies (@twaggies) June 30, 2012

If you are wearing a vest and aren’t Han Solo then you can just fuck right off. bit.ly/LTtpTa @RockabillyJay

— Team Twaggies (@twaggies) June 29, 2012