The Dead Sea Scrolls were never examined as closely as the receipt my mother just got for a three-pack of socks. @bazecraze
Team Twaggies's Blog Posts
Obsessive nose picking is called Rhinotillexomania - @mental_floss
~Illustration by: Pete Hillstrom~
Getting a retweet from someone with 0 followers is like being a beneficiary in a homeless person's will. @senorwinces
~Illustration by: Aliander Kaszyk~
TIP: If you want to find the biggest asshole at your party, leave an acoustic guitar out. - @kellyoxford
~Illustration by: Anna Jo Beck~
Most of the screams you hear in movies are actually by a purple people eater. @howtogeek
Tonight's meditation: When life hands you melons, you may be dyslexic. - @Pogue
Wallet chains are a good way to let the ladies know you've got about $7 you don't want to lose. - @BillMc7
~ Illustration by:Â Gary Krejca~
So excited that The Weather Channel picked up "Weather" for another season!! -Â @meganamram
If A=B and B=C then my ability to spell just got that much easier. -Â @FlyoverJoel
I'm the absolute best at making up excuses for not exercising. I deserve atrophy. - @BeerBatterBeard
~ Illustration by:Â Gary Krejca~
"I think we should feel other people." (Blind couple breaking up.) Â - @YUCKYBOT
~Illustration by: Alethea Jones~
The 5th slice of pizza may have been a bad idea. *burp* #DontJudgeMe - @Alyssa_Milano
~Illustration by: @resila~
I'm thinking about changing my avatar to a chicken, then sexting with a girl who has an egg avatar, and see who comes first. - @BillMc7
~ Illustration by: Gary Krejca~
We know that a million monkeys with typewriters can bang out Shakespeare but has anyone experimented with giant insects and Kafka? @FlyoverJoel
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