My car is on every bird's shit list.-Â @SassyPantssss
Team Twaggies's Blog Posts
Early photo of me:
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That's me in the lead.
#happybirthdaytome. -Â @zombot
~Illustration by:Â Pete Hillstrom~
I just got an email from Sears! I didn't even know they had a computer! - @yoyoha
Just jerked off in an elevator. It was wrong on so many levels @The_Andy_Drew
~Illustrated by:Â John McNamee~
Gyno: Do you have pains after sexual intercourse? Me: Well, they don’t usually call me afterwards, so that kinda hurts. - @CandyWarhole  ~Illustration by: Pete Hillstrom~
Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn't stop that murder. @goldengateblondI can now compose a sentence in my head and determine if it's under 140 characters. That's going on my resume. -Â @Coy0teUgly
~Illustration by:Â Kevin Coffee~
My heart is a flesh-eating pentagram of neon tantric total death wrath, but sure we can date if you want to. -Â @brattyunicornThe pinky toe has three main functions:
1) Grow mutant toenail.
2) Fall off sides of Flip Flops.
3) Dresser corner scout. @NoogsCorner
~Illustrated by:Â Jeff Maksuta~
Game Show Idea! I have to guess if u are homosexual, have scoliosis, or bad at hanging pictures.Its called "Let's Get One Thing Straight" @robfee
 ~Illustration by: Matt Lassen~
Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers. -Â @technopriest5
  ~Illustration by: Pete Hillstrom~
You can't really blame Noah for not knowing the two unicorns were gay. -Â @Mothpete
~Illustrated by: Brian Hamill~
The only thing I spoon nowadays is Ice Cream. - @DrThanatos
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