...and nobody got this on video?!?

I picture the songer (sic) being sung by the crab from The Little Mermaid.

20% of humanity lives and works in China, and now they're making a robot there that will do a person's job? This ain't gonna end well for the scientists.

Maybe they should stop providing water in elevators, then they wouldn't have to provide toilets. Those two cancel each other out.

I wonder if that guy can play an invisible saxophone.

You put the slime in the coconut...

If you accidentally slip, aim for the pool down there.

Wonder how the other driver reacted to the fine.

Slight typo, should read:
"After going home to change his underwear, Malone helped capture the snake and release it into the wild."

"Every kind of fresh fruit and vegetable thou can think of." -Hamlet: Act 5, scene 3.

The next morning, the human woke up and found multiple puncture wounds in his whoopee cushion. It never farted again.

Whenever they ask an illegal question, just lie.
Same applies when cops, Homeland 'Security' agents, TSA bullies, etc. ask questions that the federal government has already said are illegal (such as asking what your Social Security Number is, without being able to provide you with which act of Congress specifically allows them to ask). Just make up an answer.

I'm glad to live in America where all of the chemicals in food are safe because the government says it is. (Looking at you, senor high-fructose corn syrup.)