Attention all tyrants: If you can promise me $210K/year plus throw in a villa, then you've got yourself a deal.

I honestly thought McDonalds has been doing this for years. They've already proven in court that their shakes contain zero dairy products (which is why they have to call them 'shakes' instead of 'milkshakes') and are based on a synthetic plastic-like product.

That is impressive, since King Charles II died in 1685. Perhaps they saw his ghost!

I never knew anybody who had one, but I got to see one this year in the Action Figure Museum in Oklahoma. They're really big in real life.

"God, shmod. I want my monkeyman!" - Bart Simpson

Dads read more slowly than moms do. It's easier for little kids to keep up. Also, dads do the bad guys' voices better.

I was wrong on both of them. I would have guessed "golf" and "radio".

Reminds me of the movie "The World's End".

Wonder how much shorter the movie would be if it weren't for all of those super-slow-motion shots.

The rules of acquisition imply that the prize for decoding an alien transmission is a lifetime discount of 10% off at Jason's Deli.

Alternate title: "Reason #48 why I'll never live in California".

Kind of how I felt when they released the trailer for The Phantom Menace.

Last year, I bought a house in Little Rock that was built in the 1950s. That's from the last century! It astounded me to think of all the people, now gone, who have lived in that house before me.

Lesson learned: Cats belong outdoors.

I will happily make a deposit or two.