Why? Just take a taxi; they're everywhere.

Let them eat cake.

4/9. I only saw 4 of those movies and those were the ones I didn't have to guess on.

...and the parrot was never heard from again. They don't like snitches in prison.

And people ask why I moved to south Texas.

(In the 80s today. Had to turn on the AC in my car.)

That coconut & bamboo respirator was bound to fail eventually.

The Professor and Kermit the Frog pretty much raised me.

Disgusting. I refuse to eat anything that begins with the word 'turd'.

Perhaps she rubbed her head with a tuna sandwich at lunchtime. Kids do stuff like that. "Eat it or wear it!"

I'm really confused about the hole-in-the-wall test.

Ohboyohboy, I can't wait to die. I'm going to do this and freak everyone out!

Finally, there's proof!
Nobody ever believed me, but I saw one of these huge worms in Oklahoma when I was about 14. It scared the crap out of me and I wasn't sure whether it was a worm (but worms don't get that big) or a scaleless snake (but snakes don't burrow into the ground in about 1 second). Now I know.

Needs a proper passenger seat. Even that skinny girl they found for the video is about to fall off the back. She looks worried.