Dearest Debbumms and The Wayne, beloved customers, and neatoramanauts,
First, please excuse the lateness of this missive, as we have been alternatively hitting each other, and blaming each other about this unfortunately squirrel tail hole issue.
We have never had such an oversite in our past, and we have newly commisioned a department to address these sorts of problems in the future. The Neatorama Committee on Squirrel Tail Holes and Other Such Issues, (The NCSTHOSI)has spent literally minutes on your squirrel tail hole issue, and we have are ready to make the following suggestions.
1. Pretend that the Squirrel Underwear in question was a novelty item, and replace it in its original packaging; hoping that the value of the item will increase over time.
2. Cut a hole in the underwear.
3. Cut a hole in the squirrel.
4. Cut the squirrel's tail off.
5. Cut a hole in your own underwear out of a misguided sense of commraderie.
6. Breed tail-less squirrels.
7. Shut up.
8. Try turning the squirrel inside out, carefully keeping the tail internal, well what used to be external any way, before the inside out turning procedure.
9. No, don't do that, that was a bad idea. We tried it, and it was VERY messy.
10. (this one caused quite a bit of contention at the NCSTHOSI, two fistfigts, one resignation, and a bit with the police showing up, so we were a little hesitant to include it, but here goes) Give up and go naked, like the squirrels.
Thanks in advance for your understanding, and willingness to not involve the court system. Please find enclosed a waiver of your rights to litigation should you choose to try to turn a squirrel inside out.
We look forward to doing business with you in the future.
First, please excuse the lateness of this missive, as we have been alternatively hitting each other, and blaming each other about this unfortunately squirrel tail hole issue.
We have never had such an oversite in our past, and we have newly commisioned a department to address these sorts of problems in the future. The Neatorama Committee on Squirrel Tail Holes and Other Such Issues, (The NCSTHOSI)has spent literally minutes on your squirrel tail hole issue, and we have are ready to make the following suggestions.
1. Pretend that the Squirrel Underwear in question was a novelty item, and replace it in its original packaging; hoping that the value of the item will increase over time.
2. Cut a hole in the underwear.
3. Cut a hole in the squirrel.
4. Cut the squirrel's tail off.
5. Cut a hole in your own underwear out of a misguided sense of commraderie.
6. Breed tail-less squirrels.
7. Shut up.
8. Try turning the squirrel inside out, carefully keeping the tail internal, well what used to be external any way, before the inside out turning procedure.
9. No, don't do that, that was a bad idea. We tried it, and it was VERY messy.
10. (this one caused quite a bit of contention at the NCSTHOSI, two fistfigts, one resignation, and a bit with the police showing up, so we were a little hesitant to include it, but here goes) Give up and go naked, like the squirrels.
Thanks in advance for your understanding, and willingness to not involve the court system. Please find enclosed a waiver of your rights to litigation should you choose to try to turn a squirrel inside out.
We look forward to doing business with you in the future.
Dr. Josephus J. Higglebothem
Chairman
NCSTHOSI
P.s. I hate squirrels. Furry little rats.