Oh for cryin' out loud! That's it, from now on, NO one is allowed within 10 feet of that painting with a magnifying glass.

Farts as an indicator of gastrointestinal health? This raises so many questions!

It's all good and well for the fart statisticians to tell us the average number is 13.6 "episodes" per day, but what about the variables?

You know, things like duration and intensity. Do two or three short but extremely loud blasts equate to one lengthy but muted toot?

And what about burps? Do they figure into this at all, or do we need to consult yet another gas obsessed statistician for that? It all just boggles the mind…not to mention the nostrils.

Polite reminiscing is all well and good, but until they discuss what the heck all that probing was about,they'll never have closure.

"Do my sinuses look infected to you?"