Even if women came with directions, you still wouldn't read them.— Chrisanna4real (@chrisanna4real) April 18, 2012...

~Illustrated by: Margo Murphy~ I want to get drunk. Like "speaking in cursive" drunk.— Pauly Casillas (@PaulyPeligroso) March 12, 2012...

During the day, my wife complains that I'm not on her side. But in the middle of the night, I'm too far on her side. Which is it?!— David K. Israel (@Resila) October 31, 2012...

Discovered recently while having sex, that calling each play-by-play action in a Howard Cosell voice is NOT adorable.— Erin (@PortlandiaGirl) October 23, 2012...

Pick a major?? Find a man?? Have a career?? I haven't even settled on an app to access Twitter yet..so let's just slow it down people— SlayerSays (@SlayerSays) April 22, 2012...

I just clocked a guy in the eye with my iPhone for grabbing my waist. First thought: "Is my iPhone okay?"— Bree Olson (@BreeOlson) July 7, 2012...

Hell hath no fury like a woman slightly inconvenienced.— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) April 3, 2012...

You know she’s a keeper if she lets you drive Matchbox cars over her naked curves and make vroom vroom noises.— Aspersioncast (@Aspersioncast) July 9, 2012...

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I wish there were gloryholes for hugs.— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 3, 2012...