Why The Dark Side Is Way Better
There will be people out there trying to get you to join the Empire and see the galaxy, people whose war machine is fueled by hatred and rage and who may or may not have cookies.
They will speak of greatness and power, but siding with them will only lead to ruin...or riches, depending on your perspective.
Maybe you're in to wearing big shiny helmets and stomping around in shiny black boots while your stylish cape flutters behind you.
Perhaps you enjoy watching entire planets get disintegrated while force choking fools who are late in bringing you your lunch.
If so then you've got a lot in common with Andrew Bridgman and cartoonist Anna-Maria Jung, and you should both go paint your faces like Darth Maul and sit on a moisture vaporator because Jedis are way cooler! And they don't die, so beat that!
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* also likely explains why he kept complaining about the toilets not flushing well. Can't be his regularity, as he asures people he is in amazing health.