Lifting a Large Lizard with a Weir Winch

If you think that headline is nonsensical, the original headline of the news story is "Huge goanna winched by crane to safety from Torrumbarry Weir by Goulburn-Murray Water workers." Yes, it's from Australia. A goanna is any of around 70 species of lizard found in Australia. The name came from iguana, which is an unrelated South American lizard. A weir is a short dam that doesn't hold back all the water, but keeps the river above it at a deeper level. The story involves an almost 5-foot goanna who wandered onto a weir, which is not safe. Waterworks employees rescued the goanna by lowering a log by crane down to where the animal sat. The lizard eventually moved into the log, it being the only thing familiar to him. Then they raised the log up with a winch, with the goanna holding on for dear life.

Once the goanna was safe on the riverbank, the workers gave him a large snack of carp, which he finished before wandering off. All's well that ends well, right? While that's where the news story ends, in our imaginations we can see the goanna telling his goanna friends about his epic adventure in which he flies through the air on a log. They don't believe him, but then the part about getting a bucket of carp handed to him gets their attention. The next day, waterworks employees arrive to find three goannas have climbed onto the weir. -via Metafilter

(Image credit: Goulburn-Murray Water)

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A farmer's animals are in total revolt and the man sees an ad in the paper for an animal psychic. He has nothing to lose so he calls the psychic who says he'll come by the next morning. Sure enough the psychic shows up, says he'll have to commune with the animals. A while later the psychic finds the farmer and says "Your horses are angry with you because you changed their bits from straight bars to triangular ones and its hurting their mouths when they pull things." "You're right!" says the farmer. "I can fix that." The psychic says "You aren't putting enough water in the pigs' pen so they can't roll in the mud to prevent sunburns." The farmer says "That's true. I'll take care of that!" The psychic then says "You cranked up the milking machines too high and it's hurting the cows' udders. They are very unhappy." The farmer says "OMG! You are totally right. I'll dial them back down. You are very good at this." The psychic then says "I communed with your sheep and -" The farmer yells "Oh, those sheep. They're all liars. Don't believe a word they say!"
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I went fishing one morning but after a short time I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait.
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp. I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. It was that darned snake, with two more frogs.
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A lady rings up Parks and Wildlife to ask how to get rid of a possum under her house. The advice is to leave a trail of bread from the house to the bush, which she does.Next day they get a call from the lady who now has two possums under the house. David (Tasmania)
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