How to Survive Fourth of July Fireworks with All Your Body Parts

After a three-year absence due to the pandemic, the US Consumer Product Safety Commission returned to the National Mall in Washington last week to put on a demonstration of how not to use fireworks. They used styrofoam mannequins to show us the most common ways people get injured during the Fourth of July (and then they picked up all the pieces before they left). Last year, eleven people were killed by fireworks, and 10,200 people were injured badly enough to go to the emergency room. If Elon Musk's latest tweaks to the algorithm prevent you from seeing the video, you can watch the carnage here.

Lifehacker has a list of the latest fireworks safety tips, including warnings about how to supervise children and pets. Besides all that, the the USCPSC Twitter feed is a pretty handy reference for the latest product recalls, and they can be quite funny at times, too. -Thanks WTM!  


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Yeah, I know! I was reading about some places staging lighted drone shows as a safer alternative. Neat.

Then I thought about how many people will turn to firearms as a "safer alternative." But that's ridiculous; people will just ADD firearms to their fireworks.
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Err, most swimsuit models today ARE bodybuilders. Maybe not Mr. Olympia material, but they are heavily muscled. Add to that, a model picture is much more carefully orchestrated to impress, and the genital area is always made sure to be impressive, either by photoshop or the infamous ballet dancer's rabbit's foot technique.

But of course roid-shrinkage is a well known fact.
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Or what about Photoshop. How are you to know if the pictures were altered to show less or more genital area.

We know the amount of photoshop that goes into female swimsuit model pictures, I can only imagine what they make bigger or smaller in a mans swimsuit picture.
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K Lawrence is totally on point.

Also, bodybuilders are pictured in a way to enhance their muscles and nothing else, whereas pantymodels are supposed to make the underwear look good; and you need "fullness" (artificial or not) to get that.

Unfortunately, the ones we're forced to see are roided out freaks, who DO get serious shrinkage. I assure you the strongmen types do not have that problem.
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Since the celebrity bodybuilder you feature has FOUR children, I guess his testes function was not affected by airbrush or photoshop. Only Maria would know, eh?
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This whole "Improbable Research" thing is getting way out of hand.

Even when it's obviously tongue-in-cheek, it's tiresome. This one had a few people fooled, and it's not really all that funny. Steroids shrink things - we know that.

Maybe you need a disclaimer to show people "this is not real" before Neatorama has as much credibility as the Onion.
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Upon further review I would like to say:

Miss C.: If you want anyone to take you seriously in the future, stop posting fake articles.

Neatorama: If you want anyone to take you seriously in the future, you should double check anything Miss C. posts.
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