Counterpoised Cranial Support for Eyewear

In 1998, Kenneth E. Jones of Jackson, Mississippi, tackled the problem of eyeglasses being too heavy or not staying in place on one's nose. Well, it was possible that Jones was the only one with this problem, but it bothered him enough to invent a solution and file for a patent. It seems obvious to us now that the best way to secure those glasses and relieve the burden of their weight is to counterbalance it with a chain that attaches to the bridge of the glasses, goes up over one's forehead, across the skull to the back, and hang off the back of one's head, with a weight at the end equal to that of the eyeglasses. The weight could even be decorative, like jewelry! What could possibly go wrong?

First off, it would mess up your hair. It wouldn't stay in place unless you kept your head level at all times and didn't make any sudden moves. You might think it looks dumb, but if it were to be really fancied up with gems and metal wings, it could be a cool ornament, but you'd still have to glue it down, and you can already do that with any jewelry. The patent was granted in 2000, but you don't see this device in stores, nor in late night mail-order ads. I can imagine that any potential manufacturer would have set Mr. Jones straight on its drawbacks.

On the patent page, there are other configurations of this device, like a band that goes across the head from ear to ear. Just to keep your glasses on! -via Weird Universe

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Complete idiotic nonsense. Obviously the best solution for this problem is to wear a headband with a hook built into the front of it that can latch on to the glasses. A simple adjustment of the headband and your glasses are now anti-gravity glasses!!
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