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CDC Recommends Wearing Anime Shirts to Socially Distance Others Away From You

Anime Maru is a satirical website. Think of it as The Onion, but for anime fans like me. Today, it offered practical advice that may save my life during this pandemic:

The CDC stated that in several initial trials, wearing an anime shirt in public was shown to cause significantly reduced public interaction. Those who wore a shirt with an anime character printed on it claimed they noticed far fewer people approaching them than usual. Shirts with large graphics of underage characters in suggestive poses or attire were found to be the most effective. Shirts which featured only logos or less pronounced imagery had limited effect on distancing the wearer and were only recommended if nothing else was available.
“The idea is to create a feeling of immense awkwardness around the wearer,” stated CDC Director Robert Redfield. “To be effective, the shirt should cause others to worry about accidentally being associated with you should they stand too close for any period of time.”

If you don't have an anime t-shirt, then an anime hug pillow--a dakimakura, as we otaku call them--will do just as well. In fact, it would probably be even more effective and also permit you to take your waifu out in public.

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It should work. The other day some 300 lb guy came onto where I work wearing yellow and black Homer Simpson pajama pants; a black T-shirt with a magenta Darth Vader design; a multi colored Super Dragon Ball Z ball cap; and a Hello Kitty bandana as a germ mask. Nobody came within 20 feet of him.
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