Last month, we got a look at the Self-Defense Wig patented by prolific inventor Dr. Yoshiro Nakamatsu, known as Dr. Makamats. Now we get a little more explanation of the invention, as Dr. Nakamats has constructed a custom wig for Donald Trump! The 87-year-old inventor spoke at a press conference at the Foreign Correspondents’ Club in Tokyo Saturday and explained more about the Guard Wig. It has a chunk of iron inside, and a strap that can be used to hurl it and then retrieve it. It also comes with optional spikes. Dr. Nakamats has made a wig specifically to match Donald Trump’s existing hair.
So next time Trump finds himself teamed up on in a debate about how to guide the country, he can simply shout “Eat lead, tubby!” and hurl Guard Wig into the gullet of Ted Cruz. But just then, Marco Rubio takes advantage of Trump’s distraction and pulls out his solid gold pistol to finish the Donald off. However, he would forget about Guard Wig’s patented strap technology which Trump would use to swing it right around and into the jaw of Rubio as gracefully as Jackie Chan with a blender.
Immediately afterwards Trump would be declared king and with Miss USA in one arm and a bald eagle in the other he would have announced that America had officially been made great again.