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Silicon Valley Turns to This Wiccan Witch to Remove Computer Viruses and Demons


(Photo: Rev. Joey Talley)

This is Joey Talley, a witch of the Wicca faith. She works in the tech industry of the San Francisco Bay area. Or, rather, she works for the tech industry. Computer programmers, software designers, and engineers call upon her to ensure that their businesses and equipment are safe from dark, mystical forces:

"Most people want me to protect their computers from viruses and hacks," she says, "so I'll make charms for them. I like to use flora."

Jet, a black gemstone energy-blocker, is ideal for debugging office hardware, Talley says; bigger or more vulnerable computer networks often require "a rainbow of colors to divert excess energy." If all else fails, she can cast a protection spell on the entire company, office supplies included.

Talley's foray into tech is still fresh enough that she sometimes calls it the "techno industry." That hasn't dissuaded savvy clients in the market for spiritual counseling, hypnosis, dream therapy, moon rituals, house clearings, potion-brewing, and other niche services. Her speciality? "I really like dealing with demons," she says.

She recounts a recent episode involving a startup whose office alarm was infected by an "invasive species." After multiple electricians failed to rout whatever poltergeist was causing the alarm to shrill at odd intervals, the company contacted Reverend Talley.

"I don't know anything about electronics, but I got the spirit out," she says. It's hard to tell whether she's boasting or apologizing.

This is a selection from a longform article by Jeremy Lybarger in San Francisco Weekly. It examines the incredible popularity of occult mysticism in Silicon Valley. Psychics, mediums, fortune tellers, and witches are thriving as tech companies consult them for clairvoyance and spiritual warfare.

-via Dave Barry


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How about they just invest in some good antivirus software?
Pro-Tip: free software may be the perfect price, but isn't usually the best protection.
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