Some thoughts on the hardest job in the world.

“To me, life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.”

-Rita Rudner

“People who say they sleep like a baby seldom have one.”

-Leo Burke

“When kids hit one year old, it’s like hanging with a miniature drunk. They bump into things. They laugh and cry. They urinate. They vomit.”

-Johnny Depp

“Raising a kid is part joy, and part guerrilla warfare.”

-Ed Asner

“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. Then, when they’re finished, I climb out.”

-Erma Bombeck

“The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children.’

-Duke of Windsor

“Like all parents, my husband and I do the best we can, hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.”

-Michell Pfeiffer

“The way we know our kids are growing up: the bite marks are higher.”

-Phyllis Diller

“You learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.”

-Franklin P. Jones

“If a growing object is both fresh and spoiled at the same time, chances are it’s a child.”

-Morris Goldfischer

“Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children. Now I’ve got six children and no theories.”

-Lord Rochester

“You don’t know how much you don’t know until your children grow up and tell you.”

-S. J. Perelman

“You know children are growing ups hen they start asking questions that have answers.”

-John J. Plomp

“Few things are more satisfying than see in your children have teenagers of their own.”

-Doug Larson


This article is reprinted with permission from Uncle John's Fully Loaded 25th Anniversary Bathroom Reader.

Get ready to be thoroughly entertained while occupied on the throne. Uncle John has ruled the world of information and humor for 25 years, and the anniversary edition is the Fully Loaded Bathroom Reader.

Since 1988, the Bathroom Reader Institute had published a series of popular books containing irresistible bits of trivia and obscure yet fascinating facts. If you like Neatorama, you'll love the Bathroom Reader Institute's books - go ahead and check 'em out!

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