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What Ever Happened To Good Old Fashioned Santa Claus?

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Hopefully Santa brought you everything on your list, but if he didn’t it may be due to the fact that he's currently undergoing an identity crisis.

It seems even Santa is subject to massive image overhauls, and that jolly old fat man with the long white beard and fuzzy red and white suit image just isn’t hip enough for the young folk

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He was good enough for Coca-Cola, and they sell like a bajillion bottles of Coke every year, so why is he being forced to modernize his image?

It could be because Justin Timberlake brought the sexy back, and the pop world went along with his sexifying plans, so now everything has to be sexified

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But Santa isn’t supposed to be sexy- when would he find the time to make presents when he’s always working on his abs?

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And if you’re gonna sexy him up at least give the guy an appropriately buff body!

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Santa may seem like a superhero, what with the super speed present delivery, shrinking powers and naughty/nice related telepathy, but he’s not a superhero and he won’t be saving the world anytime soon

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Santa was definitely cool before it was cool, but he’s way too stylin’ to be a hipster

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Swashbuckler Santa? Now that’s more like it! Santa can play pirate in his off time if he wants, and all that loot will help pay for toys to be made, so I guess Santa could be a pirate

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But there is just no way Santa is a vampire- or is he? That theory explains a lot about his various powers, and we don’t really know what goes on up there in the North Pole, now do we?

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Santa as a vampire is pretty terrifying, but nothing Santa related could ever be more frightening than this Second Life Santa moment

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See why sexy Santa just doesn’t work? He’s just too darn cute and cuddly to have sex appeal. Besides, he's beloved by kids, so you don't want to warp their young minds with adult situations.

That's also why Santa could never be a drunk, unless he's drunk on the Nog

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He's supposed to be jolly and lighthearted, not drunk and angry and rioting in the streets!

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And Santa wouldn't be caught dead chewing on human flesh, so Zombie Claus is a no-go

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Especially when everyone knows presents are a Santa's favorite food

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Although he still expects to receive his customary cookies and milk payment come Christmas Eve

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And you don't want to end up on his Naughty list, especially when he's not quite feeling like himself!

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I bet you're wishing this jolly old elf would make a comeback right about now, aren't ya?!

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