The Ten Most Bizarre Ideas For Using Nuclear Weapons

Nuclear weapons were invented with one clear purpose in mind- wiping out the enemy. Since their creation, nukes have been used primarily in clandestine tests, and as a way for nations with nukes to flex their militaristic muscle.

Before (and perhaps a bit after) the nuke holding nations of the world realized the damaging long term effects of radiation exposure they had all kinds of wacky ideas in mind about what to do with their destructive new toys.

Nuking Canada for oil, detonating a nuke on the moon, and creating a massive lake in Egypt by detonating 200 hydrogen bombs in the Qattara Depression were all kicked around by madmen scientists who really should have known better than to use nuclear technology as a development tool!

Read on to discover The Ten Most Bizarre Ideas For Using Nuclear Weapons


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A neutron bomb is basically a low yield nuclear bomb, plus or minus a little bit if it was specially designed to enhance the neutrons released by a fusion reaction. Neutrons can only go so far in air before even the air stops them, so most nuclear weapons over a few tens of kilotons have a blast radius larger than the distance the neutrons stop and you would never notice direct effects of the neutrons. But even the smaller bombs would still do extensive damage to unreinforced buildings up to a kilometer away, while maybe allowing lethal radiation out to about 2 km.

I can't comment on the tree biology, but one potential problem with trees is that light elements, especially hydrogen, are really effective at slowing down neutrons. So things like water and organic compounds, meaning thicker trees or stuff in the soil might not get much neutron radiation (still plenty of gamma around) depending on its distance from the bomb. On the other end you'll get neutron activation of elements in the area, leading to weeks or longer of radioactivity in the area depending on what is around and what type of bomb was used. Insects also tend to handle 10 times or more as much radiation as vertebrates, and might survive up until close enough to be killed by the blast or fire.

In other words, it is one of those things that probably needs a lot of simple but monotonous calculations and a good materials reference book... and could go either way. Or digging through badly scanned reports from the Cold War when way too many calculations on radiation damage was done, probably including effects on trees and insects.
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The article was pretty fun. I had my own idea once on these lines:

Leukemia is sometimes treated by removing bone marrow from the patient and then using drugs to kill the leukemic cells, leaving normal blood stem cells alive. The patient's body is then irradiated to kill the rest of their bone marrow, and the extracted stem cells are injected into the bone to re-populate it. (or a bone marrow transplant is performed). The idea is that the largely non-living structure of the bone will be retained, and will provide a scaffold on which the healthy cells will establish themselves.

One day, I was looking at a tree that was riddled with the holes left by some kind of beetle. The beetle larvae killed the tree, but the dead wood retained the overall shape of the tree when it was alive. Trees are made largely of non-living material, with a thin layer of living cells called the cambium layer (not to be confused with the cambrian layer, which is a geologic stratum formed half a billion years ago). If the living cells of the cambium could be extracted and grown in cell culture, an infected tree could then be irradiated to kill off invading beetles. The cells could then be re-introduced into the cambium layer to re-populate the structure of the tree and restore it to its healthy, living condition.

Unlike humans, though, a tree cannot be moved into a nuclear medicine facility for radiation treatments. Some means would be needed to bring the irradiation to the tree. Happily, our military already developed the notorious neutron bomb. Remember, this bomb is able to kill all living things, but leave buildings intact. Bark beetle (or fungal disease) infections of trees never occur in isolation, but are area-wide effects, which are just the right scale for the neutron bomb. A forest that is suffering from an infestation could be sterilized by neutron bomb, and then the trees could be revitalized by infiltration with new cells.

By extension, whole neighborhoods could be rid of pests, such as roaches, termites, fire ants, bedbugs or rodents by evacuating the people and their pets, followed by a neutron bomb blast. Minor structural damage could be repaired, and then people could return. They would have to re-seed their lawns and gardens, but would start from a clean slate, pest-wise.
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when I asked if I could help them the potential interviewer replied, "I have an interview with a black woman named Yolanda" Pasty white, Polish Yolanda was standing behind me and said, "No, you don't."

I never could figure out why they would be that stupid.
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I had an interview in Washington DC and used google maps for directions and on the way there I got a speeding ticket and then I couldn't find the place and called my interviewer and was trying to figure out where she was located when she let me know I was on the South East part of the street not the North West part. So I totally missed the interview because I didn't have enough time to drive all the way over to the North West side. Also I got lost in South East DC. Moral = NEVER use google maps for Washington DC directions.
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I was interviewing for a management position at rental car company, and after the standard questions, the interviewer asked me how many hours I'd be willing to work. I said 40 or 45, like I would for any other 9 to 5 job. She responded with a look like she'd just swallowed raw sewage, and asked how I felt about working 50 to 60 hours a week, not including lunch breaks. I'm glad they didn't call me back.
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I interviewed for a job once where the department manager's overbearing micromanaging boss insisted on conducting the interview "to make sure it's done right". The bozo pulled out a tape recorder to "keep me honest", then proceeded to grill me like I'd been accused of a felony. Questioned everything on my resume from the assumption that I had lied about everything.

It was awful. My mind was made up pretty early in the meeting that there was no flippin way I'd be working there, even if I were offered the job. If I had been a little bolder, I would've stripped the tape out of that cassette, wadded it up & thrown it at the blowhard. If.
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I've always had a response in mind for the stock interview question "can you describe some accomplishments you are most proud of" :

"Staying sober for 6 months, 2 days"

I'd love to deliver that with a beaming grin and see their response.
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I took the photo, and I clearly have the license to it displayed on my Flickr account. I was never once asked permission to use it by the author of this blog.
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I was hiring for positions which were very much in demand. We had short listed based on applications but still had lots of interviews,and lots of excellent candidates.
Anyway, a kid (20ish) came in, hat on sideways, skateboard under his arm and flopped in the shair where he slouched through the entire interiview (which he bombed). Then at the end he says "so, is that whatcher looking for?"

just love NOT giving jobs to someone's little prince or princess.
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A friend of mine who works for MLB.com received this email the other day in response to an ad they have on Craigslist for a part time web producer. all spelling and grammar was left alone, i only removed his name. at first i thought it was a bit endearing -- everyone loves the underdog -- but then it gets out of hand.

"hi my name is [withheld], i am replying to your ad on craigslist. to be completely honest i have no expereince in a profesional setting for your ad, i am a chef. but i am a baseball junky, i would like to say i know everything about the sport, but love that i still have things to learn. in lieu of my resume which is filled with restaruant expereience (if you want a copy i can send it along) i thought i would share what i love about baseball and some things i hate: i am life long cubs fan (100th anniversary !!) i love every team (except the fucking cardinals) am a former astros season ticket holder will watch any baseball game (even little league) i recognize the existence of the american league even though they have a bullshit rule for all the hate i have for bud selig he has avoided a players strike twice now scott borras can suck my cock josh beckett is the purest man in the game today i feel bad for clemens and am pissed at andy i wish the nationals franchise had gone to montery mexico i recently made my first visit to the hall of fame and stayed for 7 hours if you can’t tell i really love baseball. let me know if any of this interests you, if not thanks for your time, i understand. and have a good season."
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PJ - not to derail from the excellent Bad Job Interview post, but hey, people do care. Gank stuff, and people will bristle. Ask nice, and give props for works, attribution and linkback, and people will fall all over themselves to contribute pro bono and rejoice. Spread the 'sphere love. It's easy. :)
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I've always noticed that bad interviewers pull out the questions from textbooks or reference materials when it comes to information technology and expect the answer to be the one written in the textbooks. The most favorite question in information technology I've always liked is the network and number of hosts questions used for subnetting since this information can be obtained from anywhere now while working on your job or career.
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While reviewing applications for customer Service positions...I once had a fellow write on his application...."Don't call my last job...that bitch never proved I stole anything". Needless to say...we didn't call him in for an interview.
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Our HR director felt obligated to interview someone who'd volunteered with our non-profit for years. He was an alcoholic; though he'd cleaned up for the interview and didn't smell of alcohol, he did look pretty rough.

He had a scabbed over scrape on his face that he kept picking at unconsciously during the interview. Eventually he succeeded at pulling a part of the scab off, which he then popped in his mouth!
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Before I landed my first grown up job, I sent out a boatload of cover letters and resumes, only to realize later that I didn't sign any of the letters. Sigh...
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A woman came in to apply for a job as a server at a restaurant I worked at. While she filled out the application, she pulled her teddy bear out and held it under her other arm.
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Worst interview I ever had:

The boss discarded any resume that didn't have the little accents over the 'e's.

During the interview, she mentioned a former employee running off to the bathroom and crying. I wondered what the boss had done to her to make her cry.

The "woman" I would be replacing was 16 years old.

The position was for "office manager". Managing FOUR offices.

The pay was $10,000 a year. Gross.
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Many, many stories:

Had one guy pad his resume by claiming that he served in the "US NAVE". Yep, misspelled "Navy".

Scheduled a 9:00AM interview. Applicant showed up at noon, then asked if I could postpone it another hour so he could get some lunch.

One guy flipped open his cell phone and called someone.
He told that person my salary offer and then said the "other" job offer is offering him more. He would need seven thousand more to consider working here. I told him to take the other offer as I ushered him out.
His parting words, "Okay how 'bout just five thousand more...I really want to work here."

"Just to let you know, I'm non-denominational and will be taking all religious holidays off."

"Excuse me?"

"Yes. All the Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist and so forth. Even the Satanist holidays too. It's against the law for you to discriminate on the basis of religion."

"The tools you let me use...I can take those home with me? 'Cause at my last job they fired me for stealing when I did that."

"No you can't take the tools home."

"Aw man. Can I at least borrow them? 'cause I have this side business racing motorcycles."
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