Mmmm...Relaxing Snail Facial Massage

Psssshhh, why settle for a boring old ordinary snail facial massage when you can get massaged by a giant African snail instead? Doesn't it look so relaxing? Hey, since they're already taking over Florida, you might as well pull one off the side of your house and stick it on your head -just hope it doesn't regurgitate any stucco into your pores.

We already determined the equally creepy and pointless snake massage is perfect for a 100th birthday party celebration, but what would be the perfect excuse for a giant African snail massage?

When is the perfect time for a giant African snail facial massage?

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