How It Should Have Ended (and Began): Return of the Jedi

sock darner

Not a sock darner with that handle; I remember my Grandmother using one. More likely some type of early machine like a butter churn or primative Veg-O-Matic.

19th Century bowling pin. Victorian-era bowling alleys did not have automatic pin setters. The pins were picked up and repositioned by under-fed orphaned waifs . The handles atop the pins helped the tiny orphans reset the pins quickly so they could scurry out the path of on-coming bowling balls.

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O.K. - Back in the day they didn't have porn movies, but they had porn theatres...

It's a bowling pin pump. Inflates bowling pins.

Top "plug" for a chamber pot to keep the odor contained.

It's an instrument of torture.

It is, of course, some sort of device with which you calibrate a bowling pin setting machine. Hence the pin-like bottom and the handle.

Husband beater.

all those scuff marks in the same place tell me its used to hit something.

im gonna have to say old-school ban-hammer

cheese slicer

It's used as a visualization tool. You visualize the bowling bowl hitting the pins.

definitely looks like an artistic toilet paper roll holder...just sayin'.

an early submarine model with periscope. They knew bottles floated, so decided to put a periscope in it, but turns out bottles don't like to stay upright. really sucked for the test pilot.

Saddle girth tightener

It looks like a tiny lamp- but it's a lamp used in the home of a blind person. That way, things look right to sighted people, but the blind person doesn't accidentally burn themselves on a real lamp.

Strop holder.

It's a safety razor.

Dr. Amazing's Wrinkle Remover! Combined with our tonic water, this amazing product will remove any and all signs of aging. Two doses daily, immediately followed by rubbing our patented remover across all wrinkled skin surfaces will leave you looking, and feeling, young again! It's like an iron for your skin! But don't worry, it won't burn! *insert cheesy grin*

I believe that's an instrument of torture.

It's a Genie Plug, shown here entrapping a genie in a wooden bottle.

It is Vince's, from Slap Chop, first prototype slap chop. He is going to make you skinny again one slap at a time!

It is a weight to be held, usually in pairs, to keep your arms from flying away. My great-granddad had a set, :)

See that thing on the top? It's kind of rectangularish and shiny.

Old-school iPod dock.

Victorian butt plug!

Its a hand iron, not to iron your hand but to iron small areas

This is an early form of exercise weight. It is sometimes called an indian club. It was generally waved around in different patterns in different exercise routines.

It's for beating the dust out of throw rugs.

This is an original Flit sprayer. The later ones were made of tin. I recognised it immediately because my grandfather had one. Unfortunately it had beetle so it leaked badly.

it looks like an old style of hammer used in the hammer throw.

It's a hand mill, such as a pepper mill or salt mill.

It's obviously a face shaper. Before we had plastic surgery.

Wallpaper remover?

It is a old style of weight used in a hammer throw type of competition. You would hold the handle and spin around and then let it go.

seal club

Looks to me like a pin from an old bowling game I have seen where the pins aren't knocked down, but rather attached to a pivot point above them. When the pin is hit, it retracts into the ceiling and is released back down (reset) for the next turn.

It's a sap.....or was that last week?

It's a Fire extinguisher

That's used at fish farms, the first person uses it to make holes in the water, then the second person plants one fish egg in each hole. Someone else comes behind the egg-planters with a hose to fill in the holes. It's a very efficient system.

It's an old school fire piston, for starting fires!

Maybe it's a wooden bottle mold...for making glass bottles..maybe milk bottles..

That my good friend is a user-friendly butt-plug (not as friendly to the end user though, I imagine)

It's obviously a grenade.

It's an old-fashioned stand mixer (hey, didn't I guess that already?). I presume that you pour what needs to be mixed through the hole near the top, and after pumping/turning the handle, you pour out mixture through the same hole.

the original penis pump.

It required 2 people to operate. The man had the option of having his partner help, which proved to be somewhat of a mood killer. Or, he could have a friend help though when caught, it caused many an awkward situation. Hence many men desperate enough to use one, had a family member help... this reduced the rumors that would go around, but also made the family dinner very uncomfortable.

Shortly afterwards it was redesigned in it's current, "help yourself" format.

Tongue scraper

Ok a lot of you went the bowling pin route. You almost had it, EXCEPT that it is for strengthening your hand and arm for a bowling BALL. That is why the handle is so wide. It keeps your fingers at the proper distance during training.

Old fashioned golf ball cleaner.

Primitive Slap-Chop

That's easy. This is a tool used to shape woolen hats. The hatter would place the hat on the pin, and push this into a liquid mercury bath, purging out the moisture from the wool. By the shape of this one, I would think it was used to make a womans' hat, a 1930's style cloche. (The expression "Mad as a hatter" comes from the damage done by exposure to the fumes of mercury. )

An old fashioned butter churn

A medical device for constipation.

I think it might be an Udder Massager for bovines. How does one get the best milk? Massage it out! Happy cows, better milk! The handle looks like it might have a cow bell on it.

you put grapes and small fruits to make juice and stuff....

Probably a mold used to dip into rubber or latex to make balloons

I'm thinking this tool is used when placing large stickers or other adhesive materials on a flat surface. The rounded, wooden edge is used to smooth out any air holes and allow for a smooth, flawless finish.

tis a paper folder.

goods friends

real "tongue twister"

This is a comblestobber, possibly the oddest musical and most dangerous instrument ever devised. When electricity was new it was put to many uses and making 'electric' music was a brief and often fatal fad. The 'combler', while suspended within a rolling ball like metal cage, which would by 'rolled' along a charged grid, would acheive various senthized notes by swinging the charged comblestobber in small curving arcs, without touching, but almost making contact with the cage. Surviving audience members described the experience and 'electrifying.'

An old fashion Tummy Flatner?

It's a bowling ball tester, obviously.

Looks like something used in the processing of raw leather.