How Twilight Works

The Oatmeal skewers the over 40 year-old Twilight fan base in this hilarious step by step breakdown of the science of the series. Twilight is painted as a diabolically designed trap, able to turn all but the strongest middle aged women into lusting, exuberant fangirls.

View the rest of the piece (with some hilarious illustrations) at the source.

Link - The Oatmeal

Comments (12)

Newest 5
Newest 5 Comments

UH, did anyone see how Leia is dressed in Star Wars? Not Lucas' wet dream? LOL Right.

No matter what some people think of the Twilight books/films, the whole ''let's trash Twilight'' at any opportunity meme is still unreal to me.

Make fun of it. Parody it. Whatever. But the fact that there are so many of you out there SO willing and ready to bash Twilight makes me think that there is more going on than just the supposed lack of ''qaulity' of the stories.

I have heard so many people rave about the Charlaine Harris vampire stuff. I decided to read one. It sucked. Nothing original about it. And the detailed descriptions of the hard sex that the main character has with the vampire were totally offputting. Much prefer the romanticism of Twilight.

But, no, everyone loves the Harris stuff.

Makes no sense to beat up one author for her failings as a writer when another gets a pass for the same failings.
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Miss Celiana, you're lucky that your children at least seem to be developing some semblance of taste as they get older...the most hardcore fans I've seen have been between 13 and 17.

On a related note, it's a shame Oatmeal didn't read the rest of the series, because from what I hear, there's a baby ripped from Bella by the vampire dude because it's eating her from the inside (?), and as soon as it's born the werewolf guy falls in love with it and chooses it as his mate. WHEN IT'S BORN.

Twilight: One girl's decision between bestiality and necrophilia, as a werewolf discovers his true pedophilic self.
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I've only seen the movies... pretty much out of curiosity to see what everything is about.
I think if I were still a young teen/pre-teen, I'd def be in to everything. Not as much as some, but I'd probably enjoy them.
Now at age 30 though.... the movies were SO mind numbingly bad. I can't even imagine how terrible the books are.
I groan whenever my cousins starts going on and on about it all. She's 27yo and a mother of 3 :\
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My wife (who is in her 20s) likes the movies but readily admits they are terrible. It's kind of like me enjoying Godzilla movies.

She likes the books, too, sort of. She reads romance novels too. She is under no illusions about that stuff being "literature" but, hey, I read old comic books sometimes, so who am I to complain?

Kinda weird about middle aged women being obsessed with it though. And unlike Star Wars (which I am not a huge fan of), Twilight is just a romance story, with vampires. Star Wars is, like, SPACE OPERA, man.
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Something to test the quality of a rope...

Put the rope through the hole and drill it. count how often you can turn the stick before the rope breaks/damages.
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I think is yet another fireplace potholder.

Anyway, the way the hooks are set, you place the rod on one hook, and under the opposite hook, and you can move the pot up and down by changing what hooks the rod is set into.

Dave
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This is a scam. The device was built first, then when it's function is figured out a patent will be filed and the inventor will die a rich man. For shame, Neatorama.
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I believe I have seen something similar. It is an early Car Jack. The style of the linear gearing on the sides is much like modern versions of the same tool, just bigger.

My 2 cents -

Scott
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Looks like a vintage tire iron. Not sure if that's what they're called, but the contraption you use to change tires (or wagon wheels in this case!)
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i think it's a golf club rack. the heads of the clubs balance against the upside-down hooks.
also, i think that tall steel bit with the eye might hold a bag o' balls?
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It's a device used to wind up rope. You tie one end in the little hole, and you can twist it all the way around the metal grooves, so that your rope is would up all nice and neat.
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i agree with dave. fire place pot holder, but i think the base is a little small for that. so i'd have to guess it's for drying your socks by the fire. there is even little burn marks on the bottom of the stand.
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It is a "strange contraption".

Technically this answer is correct by your own admission in the picture caption and should win me the webcam since you didn't ask what is this contraption 'used for'.

Seriously though, my guess is it's some kind of primitive drying machine used to wring water out of a heavy fabric. One would fold the fabric in half and thread it through the hole. the long metal rod would be inserted in the crook of the fold and twisted counter clockwise, using the teeth on each side to help hold the bar in place so it doesn't twist backwards and hit you in the face if you got tired.

That or the "Edsel" of recreational sexual devices.
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