Santa's Sleighful of Problems

Think you've got problems? They ain't nothin' compared to Santa's problems. Bella English of Boston.com outlines the sleighful of problems that the jolly Saint Nick has got:

Just the other day, the American Medical Association released a study showing Santa’s body mass index to be “dangerously high’’ at 30 percent, which makes him obese, which puts him at high risk for a heart attack, which means he should not be flying at high altitudes.

Not only that, but Lou Dobbs on his radio show recently suggested that Santa, because he lives in the North Pole, is not a US citizen and therefore should not be allowed to fly over our country, much less land on rooftops. He’s asked the Immigration and Naturalization Service to look into the matter. [...]

This just in: At the opening of the Copenhagen climate talks yesterday, a special session was called to discuss a newly discovered greenhouse gas. “It seems that reindeer droppings from the long flight give
off methane, adding to the monumental climate gas problem,’’said one noted scientist. A committee is studying whether to charge Santa a new carbon emissions tax, which will, of course, be passed along to consumers.

Speaking of reindeer, PETA is protesting the lengthy work hours of the reindeer, whose journey spans many time zones. The animal rights group is also looking into reports that Rudolph was targeted for bullying by the others not because of his red nose but because he is gay.

Meanwhile, Dasher has denied rumors that he tested positive for anabolic steroids, but he has refused to take a lie detector test.

More Santa shenanigans at the very funny Santa, NO! Tumblr blog (may be NSFW, you've been warned)