Neatorama Shop Story: Sweet Nothings

The following is a Neatorama Shop Story, a narrative starring the products carried in this blog's very own online store.

Sweet Nothings

Zurich, 1916. A foggy and bleak afternoon. Gazing upon an empty absinthe-scented glass, Jacques postulated…was the glass like the universe? Is there ever any there there?

Jacques makes mountains of nothing and would have droned on until dawn had not the vacant-eyed Swiss barmaid draped over my left knee roused herself and interjected with an uncharacteristic swell of a work ethic, “Will zair be anysing else tonight?”

Predictably, Jacques replied, “Nothing.”

Said the waitress, “When I desire nothing, I have one of zese.”

From the pocket of her dingy fondue-smeared apron, she produced a diminutive, elegant tin and held it before us. It was a befitting black, the absence of color. She sensuously slid back the lid to reveal “Nihilist Flavorless Mints.” Insubstantiality distilled to its essence, suspended in a delicate cocktail of maltodextrine and corn syrup, they tasted like nothing, and left us wanting more. They were the concrete manifestation of our nonexistence, with a hint of the sweet aftertaste of oblivion. Did these mints exist at all? If a mint that tastes like nothing is sucked in the forest…

What a paradox, so Seinfeldian, though we knew it not by that name at that time. It would have been the perfect gift for all of our friends, had we any other than ourselves. The unsettlingly uncharacteristic look of completion in Jacques’ eyes said it all: no longer would we exchange empty boxes at Christmas.


The story above is written by the dynamic duo Drs. Ernest and Convalescence Bidet-Wellville (hey, I didn't name 'em) of the University of Self-Conscious Consumerism in Olde Busytowne, Connecticut. I suspect they write cover stories for the CIA, so if I'm inexplicably missing the next few days, you know what happened.

Available from the Neatorama Shop: Nihilist Flavorless Mint | See also our vast selection of other Offbeat Mints and Candies

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White is all colours, black is the absence of light. "colour" is just light bouncing from the object to your eyes, so technically all colours are light, and the black being the absence of colour applies to both light and colour. :D

The surface is retaining all colours and bouncing none back. That makes it black. It is bouncing no light to your eyes.

When your computer screen is dark, it is because no light is being shone on it. I mean, look at the hex codes. Black is '000000', no colours, white is 'FFFFFF', all colours.
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About the box: "It was a befitting black, the absence of color."

What? We are talking pigments here, so isn't black the presence of all colors? Isn't it only when talking about light that black is the absence of all color?

Am I getting too geeky?
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It reminded me of those old tv shows or movies where the character would suddenly light up a cigarette and talk about how great the smooth taste of Marlboro is.

Excellent writing you two. :)
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