Now let me backtrack a little bit. Every Thursday night, my husband and I get together with a group of friends to watch Lost. We call this, appropriately if not unoriginally, Lost Night. Even when Lost ends for the summer (or for their mid-season hiatus), we still get together and do something in its absence. Last summer we watched a new Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K) every Thursday. This summer, we've decided to watch zombie movies. This all started because I DVRed what is possibly one of the worst zombie movies ever made last week and was crying from laughter trying to explain it to our group.
The movie? Return of the Living Dead.
Now, before you all jump on me, let me preface with this: I love zombies, but I am by no means an expert. I am not purporting to have seen every zombie movie ever made or know the names of the Zed extras in Night of the Living Dead. I don't even know the Thriller Dance. That being said, I thought Return of the Living Dead was George Romero's sequel to Night of the Living Dead. I only saw the title on the Independent Film Channel; I was not privvy to that outstanding movie cover or a plot or anything. Wow, was I wrong. Turns out George and John Russo, one of the writers of the original movie, were in disagreement with how to follow up their hit movie. They went their separate ways. George ended up coming out with Dawn of the Dead 10 years later; Return of the Living Dead is what Russo came up with in 1985.
It. Is. Bad. Comically bad. Let me try to sum up for you: High school dude, Freddy, has a new job at a medical supply warehouse. On the job, a co-worker informs Freddy that Night of the Living Dead was a true story – a gas was accidentally released that reanimated the dead. Only a few barrels of the gas are still in existence, and, surprise! They're at the medical supply warehouse. The co-worker shows Freddy the barrel containing the gas and thumps on it to prove its durability, but the gas leaks and the two men are knocked out. Of course, zombies start running amok. Coincidentally, Freddy's friends are waiting for him to get off work and decide to kill time in the cemetery across the street. Makes sense. Somehow this results in Trash, one of Freddy's friends, ripping off her clothes and dancing on top of a grave wearing nothing but leg warmers (I'm proud to say the actress, Linnea Quigley, is from Davenport, Iowa). I know you're wondering, and yes, she does end up as a "seductive", dancing, naked zombie wearing leg warmers.
The zombies are smarter than you might think – when paramedics arrive on the scene, they are killed by the zombies who then call dispatch and request that they "send more paramedics." Seriously. The same thing happens when the cops show up. Also, at some point, a zombie is captured and questioned as to why they are feasting on humans. The zombie replies that it hurts to be dead, and eating live brains is the only thing that relieves the pain.
Oh, and although skeletons are rising out of the cemetery – full skeletons, not skin and muscle or anything like that – they still have tongues and eyeballs.
So, after describing this, my friends and I did a little research and discovered that some truly heinous zombie movies are floating around out here. Some that we will be viewing this summer are Redneck Zombies, Zombies on Broadway, Motocross Zombies from Hell, Hard Rock Zombies and the MST3Ked Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies. Oh! And also, Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave ("Dance til you drop... dead").
So. The point of this long-winded post is to ask you two things:
1. What's the worst horror movie you've ever seen?
2. Do you have any good (read: bad) zombie movie recommendations?