The Masai Warriors' Guide to Britain



A group of Masai warriors are going to be running the London Marathon this year, which could be enough to get a mention here, but it gets better. To avoid any potential culture clash problems (so funny in films, so unfunny if you happen to stick a spear in someone's pet goat, and rather lacking in humour in Crocodile Dundee 2) a charity has prepared a useful guide for them, which contains some handy tips we'd all be advised to bear in mind (especially the French):

  • "Even though some [Brits] may look like they have a frown on their face, they are very friendly people - many of them just work in offices, jobs they don't enjoy, and so they do not smile as much as they should."

  • "You cannot rely on the sun to tell the time accurately and will have to rely on clocks and watches. The sun will rise and set at different times."

  • "Whereas at home for you it is acceptable to spit, in England it is not but, if you have to, you must do so in a sink or in some trees when no one is looking."

  • "If you see something that someone else has, like a bracelet, and you like it, then the person will find it very unusual if you were to take it and wear it."

  • "if someone was to see a thief and chase after him and, when they catch him they hurt him, then the person who hurt the thief would go to prison as well as the thief."

  • "You may see these animals in a field, seemingly left alone. It is important to remember that these animals are owned by someone and are being looked after."

  • "You will see many people who are wearing only small clothes and you will wonder why they are cold and may think they are being disrespectful. This is normal for England, especially when it is sunny or in the evening. However, it is illegal to show certain parts of the body and for this reason it is important that you wear underpants if you are wearing your blankets."

  • "When people drink they [seem] sillier or different."


So, if you only spit in trees and remember to wear your underpants when out and about, everything should be tickety-boo.

Link - via XFM

Update: Thanks to Miss Cellania for  pointing out there is a serious reason for their trip - they are being sponsored to run the marathon and hope to raise enough money to ensure a clean water supply in their village. Find out more, and donate, at Maasai Marathan.org.

It's probably worth noting that many current members of urban society would do well to keep these rules in mind...particularly the underpants one.
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Brilliant! I do think, however, that most Brits would find it a bit more than "unusual" if a Masai warrior were to take their jewelry and wear it! Love the image it conveys (perhaps an idea for a cartoon?).
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If I were running in a marathon (not likely to happen) and I saw a Masai warrior in tribal clothing carrying a spear and shield behind me, I think I would run a hell of a lot faster (that would actually happen). I'm curious to see what their presence will mean to the other contestants.

I've never been to England but I was in Toulon, France once. The people there pee in bushes and trees in front of God and everybody. One guy was standing on the sidewalk peeing on the side of building. I had to cross the street to walk past him. He waved at me.

I can't wait to read the post race news coverage.
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“You will see many people who are wearing only small clothes and you will wonder why they are cold and may think they are being disrespectful."

Not sure I understand this bit -- are the runners wearing less clothing than the Maasai warriors in the photo? (Particularly since we can assume that they're wearing no underclothing?)

Also, I think the part about the sun could have been a bit clearer -- on first reading it sounded rather like the sun in Britain rose and set at random times each day!
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I think there should be a guide like this for all tourists to England.
You'd need a few extra rules though:
1) We are English, not stupid. You do not need to speak louder to us.
2) Don't attempt to start a conversation with the person you are sitting next to on the bus/train (loads of tourists do this...). British people don't really start up conversations with strangers (forget everything you heard about Brits being friendlier than Americans: it's completely the opposite).
3) No, we don't all know Prince William. Or Hugh Grant. Or Keira Knightley. Yes Britain is smaller than America, but it's still got the same number of people as Texas, California and New York combined.
4) WE DRIVE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD.
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Is this for real? It seems like a joke.

I get a kick out of the thief one - that probably seems like a very natural thing to do. The person who wrote the list deserves credit for putting it in simple terms. S/he didn't say "the courts in this country punish criminals," s/he said "you will go to jail if you hurt a thief."
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That whole "rises and sets at different times" is completely inaccurate. The sun is perpetually rising and setting. As it rises somewhere, it is setting somewhere else.

I think Rosi1 may be a bit confused - Masai warriors are not tourists from America.
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I'm not sure if you know of a UK documentary series called "meet the Natives" , where some guys from a remote island called Vanatu came to England and "met the natives".

It was quite an interesting few programs. It was unusual in tone too (for this sort of show), because all the participants were presented well. In addition the Vanatuvians (?) were quite shocked at how badly we live and our general state of well being.

http://www.channel4.com/video/meet-the-natives/
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The bit about the sun rising and setting makes sense when you consider that the Maasai are from Kenya, which straddles the Equator. There day and night are of equal lengths, and stays that way year round.
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It's not the idea that the length of days are different in England and Kenya - it's how the concept was worded. Could have been stated a little more clearly.
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