Child Bride of Afghanistan

Photo: Stephanie Sinclair / NY Times

From a very interesting NY Times article by Barry Bearak and Stephanie Sinclair:

The drought has since passed, but the poverty remains, as does the widespread custom of early marriage. Some Afghans readily use their daughters to settle debts and assuage disputes. Polygamy is practiced. A man named Mohammed Fazal, 45, told Sinclair that village elders had urged him to take his second wife, 13-year-old Majabin, in lieu of money owed him by the girl's father. The two men had been gambling at cards while also ingesting opium and hashish. ...

On the day she witnessed the engagement party of 11-year-old Ghulam Haider to 40-year-old Faiz Mohammed, Sinclair discreetly took the girl aside. "What are you feeling today?" the photographer asked. "Nothing," the bewildered girl answered. "I do not know this man. What am I supposed to feel?"

And here I was thinking that we liberated Afghanistan. Silly me!

Link - via A Welsh View


I, kindly, ask Americans to respect other cultures. Noone has any right to condemn the practice of marrying child brides in Afghnistan just like the US does not have any right to invade and impose a form of government in that country. Americans must remember that the US was originally founded by people who were looking for a place to be free from religious prosecution. Unfortunately and sadly, Americans are now exporting a very different concept of "liberty and justice" to other countries. It is a sick and corrupt concept and Afghanistan should not tolerate such an imposition on their culture and country. I fully respect marriage of children and adolescents to older men who will protect them and take care of them during their life. Just think about the high divorce rates in the US because americans are still so primitive as to believe they MUST marry a person of the same age. To me, that's like thinking I should marry someone that has the same hair color as me or the same car, etc. It's an aberration from an aberrated system that has turned into an aberrated society but STILL, I respect their aberrated ways and wish americans someday can learn to tolerate other customs and respect the people in the world. When that happens, the world will be in peace.
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Tradition appears to be the last excuse of men who has no other justifications. You are correct that American Ideals are based on freedom and choice. What choice does that little girl have? What choice do your women have in a culture that is designed to enslave them? You are correct that the modern world has a higher divorce rate...not because anyone feels they should marry someone of the same age...but because both women do hot have to avoid culturate isolation if they decide a divorce is in their best interest. They decide what is in their best interest. Our society does not pick their spouses...or cast them aside after they have had a marriage. A man can only be a man without having to control the actions and choices of a women. A real man earns the affection of a women and does not hide his insecuties under the guis of religion or custom. A real man is secure to let his women speak with/associate with/ and choose a man of her own. Only a coward needs to control them/control what they wear/whom they meet/ as early as possible to avoid feeling as weak as they truely are.

To defend a marriage as a result of a card game is distgusting and makes me sick to my stomach. Anyone whom defends such action is weaker than any women I know.
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There would be two ways to look at it, one being that elders should be able to make decisions for children , seeing as children don't seem to know whats best for themselves. However you could also see it as a sick idea and what coward of a man would do that to his daughter, or an innocent child. I personally think that, yes, its true that elders do know whats best for the young, but such a heavy decision like marriage, should'nt be forced upon anyone, especially when they're young. Of course i respect other cultures, but some of the things that are and aren't allowed i strongly disagree with.
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I think that such a decision as a marriage shouldn't be imposed. But culture is culture. And also shouldn't be imposed!! Each nation has yours. As well as its sovereignty. So, what made you think you liberated Afghanistan (or anyplace)??
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I agree with both Amanda and Alexis’ comments, a nation should be free to exercise the culture and religion it pleases without interference from other countries. I feel the majority of Americans are painfully ignorant to word issues, wether it is the corrupt media or the greedy government that pushes this ignorance upon them, or wether it is a conscious decision Americans make, ask yourself why you are satisfied with this ignorance, because if ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
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Soooo... instead of getting his loan paid back he got another mouth to feed? How's that a good deal?

Just kidding. Just stop with all this mush-mouthed, back-handed 'respect other cultures' talk. If you're calling someone primitive there's clearly no respect there. Marrying old men is icky, and using your children to pay off debts is dehumanizing. We live in a sad world.
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I myself am an afghan and my grandma married at age 12.. there was a 70 year old man who married an 17 year old man..... i really think that the talibans is my country are spoiling afghans.. they make them marry early.. i would rather live in a cake then have talibans rule over my country.. thankfully i am neither married engaged and no proposal have come to me thanks to my parents who live with me in our beautiful house in America.. i love Afghanistan bit it changed alot!
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Sick!
Im from Brazil, and this behavior is not tolerate there.
''Man think that having power means praying on the innocent.''

little gurls are not cows', or dogs. that can be bought and sold while sum sick old men smoke HASH, playing cards and drinking moonshine! (thats so western by the way)

Not only the afganis buy kids, but India, China, Thailand, Africa etc...
Very coward thing to do!
JUST LOOK IN THAT GURLS EYES!! TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE!
OUTLAW
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they just dont have respect for humankind.
the fathar of this girl is a bastard. i hope the will shoot that bastard dead. because this motherfucker does not earn this child.
but this things happens only in the south of afghanistan. those people at the south of afghanistan they dont have honor. that is the probleem in afghanitan. besides they are betraders!!!!!!! they betrade afghanistan.... DEAD TO ALL OF THOSE BETRADERS
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Interesting definitions of respect there - 'I respect their aberrated ways'. Cultural relativism is probably the most insulting and patronising take of all. It's like saying 'you're rubbish but then you don't know any better so hey'.

As for being liberated, if Western nations had invaded Afghanistan to 'liberate' child brides rather than for economic and politically strategic reasons, I'd have more respect. And when are 'we' going to liberate the women of America from the compulsion to cut up their bodies in the name of beauty/finding a boyfriend? Economic liberalisation and individualism is hardly a blueprint for social conscience and liberty. It's pathetic.

taliban killer - I kind of agree with you but who's going to do the killing? Outsiders? Or Northern Alliance? Do you enjoy civil war?
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We have published respect for cultural differences, as a way to show our respect for others. But why will those who are doing the horrific acts of violating a young girl into a forced marriage with a man who clearly can be her father - and truly did not meet the girl or earn her affection. Playing cards under the influence of drugs is not necessarily the best condition or time to make a decision to give away your daughter to a gambler winner. How about the "looser gambler or the girl's father" is now cornerd and has to decide to save his our skin and now he sacrifices his daughter into the "winner gambler" Does this gambler loves the girl? Will he cherish her and respect her as someone he looks for advise to maintain a family together? ------ Developmentally speaking the two age groups are different- in terms of priorities of life; what makes them happy?, is this child horrirized to the fact that she will be "forced" to allow this man to pregnant her- she willbe "culturally forced" to childbear for this older man! Isn't our society against teenage pregnancies? Our western society knows that children are not mature enough to bear children - but, our cultural sensitiviness make us look to opposite direction and ignore how wrong this is! I read a commentary above that mentioned that this elder man has a new mouth to feed, but is he happy to do this? I lived in Afghanistan and saw the dynamics between male and females. Women do not represent a complement to men, they repesent a "mule" to care for children "preferably male offsprings" and all the harship chores needed around the man's property. That young girl better bear male children and they better be healty! to provide that "old man" a sense of pride. But here is the question: what is available for that young girl? Maybe food every day, certainly not a dignified life. But a life of confinement!
Here in America we enjoy freedom, right. I can go outside and plant some flowers in my garden, or drive to a park and enjoy the scenery as I drive across country. Average Afghan women are not allowed to step out of their homes - they live locked in all their lives. They are deprived of the essentials: a dignified life based on human rights, a voice in their society, prenatal care to bear healty children, no phsycological support, lack opportunities to study and earn their living as a professional. Is is important to look at the fact that Afghanistan is one of the countries with the Higest infant mortality rate! Perhaps having these little girls have children is killing the women in Afghanistan! How can I culturally accept such a horrirific fact, knowing maybe this girl may die giving birth to a dhild at such a young age? ------------- Why will I "culturally" accept such a practice as a respectfull, considerate way to treat another human? --- I truly try to understand others, but doesn't this young girl or all other future girls should have freedom to find their our way of life by having oppotunities to study, and practice a profession? Would you like your daughters or granddaughters to be this young girl? Frankly is this right? How about justice to this little girl?
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We all respect other culture but that does not mean that we blindly support the wrong practices. girls n Afghanistan are treated like prisoners. They do not have life of their own. Their thoughts and choices are never considered. I wonder how they are living this way. I have a Afghan friend named Zenab and she is marrying a guy whom she hates the most and has affairs with other girls too. An astrological expert told Zenab's father that if the two will get married the family will get flourished with health and wealth. Zenab's father forced her to marry that guy inspite of the warning from the astrological expert that Zenab will die in six months time. She had to marry him just after two months from marriageshe came to know that her husband is amrrying another girl. I tend to shiver when I think of her. I wonder how girls like Zenab cope with life. In this case I ma very lucky as I can make my own decisions and marry the gyu I have chosen for myself.
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WTF!!!!!!! This is ignorance to the NTH! Degree!!!!!
It's really slavery that this poor little girl is being subjected to. Just another wife to cook clean and raise more ignorance. How can a 40 year old love an 11 year old! This isn't about love it's about "honor" in the weirdest sense. This is the major problem with Islamic countries...they value honor over the word of ALLAH! Read the Koran e SHARIF and you will KNOW THE TRUTH. I'm afghan and if anyone has anything to say about my post....speak UP!
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Someone mentioned the husband taking care of his child bride, but what happens to her when he dies? She becomes a widow with no prospects. Noone wants to marry a woman there who has been "used." Being a child bride is an example of people being treated as property, and when the woman finally outlives her husband, she will be left as an outcast.
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Someone mentioned the husband taking care of his child bride, but what happens to her when he dies? She becomes a widow with no prospects. Noone wants to marry a woman there who has been "used." Being a child bride is an example of people being treated as property, and when the woman finally outlives her husband, she will be left as an outcast. I do not think respect is an issue. I can understand how something has come to be through custom but that does not mean I have to condone it, just as people in the US are arguing against transporting a cab passenger carrying alcohol.
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I agree that the U.S. should not impose its culture on others. I am sure that there are many parts of Afghan culture that are wonderful, but using your own child to settle a gambling debt is something that should not ever happen. This poor child has no prospects after her husband, who is almost the same age as her grandfather should be, dies? At least an arranged marriage with a man of a similar age would allow her more dignity and respect.

And just so we all know, noone is forcing anyone "to cut up their bodies in the name of beauty/finding a boyfriend" I was encouraged by my father to find someone who loves me as I am, or to not find anyone at all! I have the freedom to do so, and although I do not agree with everything the United States does, I do support any culture who allows a woman to do so!
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I agree with Alexis. I have traveled extensively around the world and I've learned Americans are some of the most intolerant and disrespectful people on earth. Americans, in my opinion, are egotistical in their views. If they don't like it or can't understand it, they think it must be wrong. I've yet to see a convincing argument against Child Brides on this series of comments. Most people basically say, "it's wrong" but they can't prove why it is wrong. This means their opinion is culturally influenced and is not objective. However, since Americans believe they are always right, they think their thinking must be right, which is true in a way since that is the opinion that prevails in the US and countries with a similar culture. However, what is socially unacceptable in the US DOES NOT mean it should also be unacceptable in other countries. Again, I have traveled extensively to countries that are very different to the US (I have also lived in the US). For this reason, I believe I can see this issue more objectively and I believe most of the people here are viewing the world with "Anerican" eyes rather than trying to understand the simple life of the Middle East, their values, their religion, etc. From a biological standpoint, women can have sex and bear children at very young ages. I'm talking about nature here. Now, we're not animals, we're human, so we have laws, culture and religion that may influence the acceptable age to marry, have sex and bear children. Now, pay attention, NOT ALL COUNTRIES HAVE THE SAME LAWS, CULTURE and RELIGION!! So, we have to RESPECT other beliefs even if they look wrong to us. I bet that if you ask the girl 10 years from now what she thinks about her marriage she might say she loves the man or he hates him, or something in between but that is the same answer you'd get from an American wife. Of course, a different set of laws, culture and religion allow an American wife to divorce because Americans value the right to divorce but what do Afghan women think about divorce?? Maybe it's immoral to them so they don't even think about it. Maybe it's illegal. It's a matter of values and that's the point where Americans can't seem to understand that values differ from one part of the world to another. Also, you tend to see the worst scenario and without even having met the older husband that is marrying the Afghan girl. What if he's a good man?? I would prefer my daughter to marry an older man if he's a good honest and respectful man rather than having my daughter marry an imature boy of her age that does drugs, is dishonest, has been to prison and is a gang member that loves beating women. You have to analyze the specific case and also understand the culture, laws,traditions, values, etc. For the guy that suggested the girl should study and have a profession, gimme a break..lol...we're talking about afghnistan here, not New York City, pal...Also, it's probably RURAL afghanistan so why would she need a career in that environment?? I have been to Mennonite communities where they only went to elementary school and that's really all the education they considered enough for their lives. Not everyone needs a college education in certain countries. It's also a matter of values. You go to college for what?? To earn more money, to be a successful professional, to be able to drive a brand new mercedes, etc. Well, not everyone in the world shares those values, did you know?? I personally don't. That's why I have traveled extensively and lived a much simpler life without having to worry about making money, studying, buying and maintaining a car, etc. For me (and for many others I've met), the most valued things are enjoying the love of my wife and children, having a few true friends and spending the weekend at a cheap bar. I have no interest in being a successful Professional working for Bill Gates at Microsoft. I have no interest in being rich in monetary terms. I can live without a car riding the public bus or just walking. I have a very different set of values than most Americans. Most Americans value MONEY and MATERIAL things too much in comparison with me, even though everyone will deny it but it's true and it's acceptable since you can't live without money in the US. You also do need an education, a good job and a brand new car so that your neighbors don't think you're a failure, etc. Well, I have lived in places where most people don't have a car so it's not important to have one, most people don't have a college education and it's also not important. I have lived in places where other things are more important than those things that are important in the US. Well, you get the point (hopefully). By the way, I'm married to an indigenous woman from South America and I'm 25 years older than her. We live in South America and our marriage was legal by indian customs and also by the laws of the country in which I live. She's an adult now but I married her when she was not though I will not reveal her age because I don't want to offend people here. She was very young when I married her and our marriage was NOT arranged. This means she married me because she fell in love with me. Many people here will say she marry me for the money but I don't really have much money by South American standards so it's not because of that. Do you why she married me?? VALUESSSSSS , yeah, she's got a different set of values than most American girls have and I happened to be one of the few men that could have won her heart in her indian village, not becuase of money, not because of looks, but because of being a nice guy that was willing to respect her and treat her like a princess for the rest of our lives and that, where she is from, is worth a MILLION DOLLARS so she got lucky...lol...and I was also very lucky for marrying a good person.
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If you haven't been to Afghanistan in the last few years, your opinion on whether or not it's liberated is meaningless.

It appears that only perverts need to be told that pedophilia is wrong. This is not a matter of custom; it is a matter of human rights. America is not wrong for being a civilized country, and we can not apologize for having values that have evolved beyond the Pashtun code. Women in Afghanistan do not marry; they are sold into slavery. If you defend the practice here as custom, will you also defend the 19th Century American practice of slavery as being customary?

The ones whose opinion on this matter are most important, that is the children in question, are unable to voice their opinion. I will remain forever silent on the subject if anyone can show me one child sold into slavery that appreciates this particular custom.

Timothy Brooks
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As I have said in other posts, you cannot condone human rights violation in the name of culture.

That doesn't mean that America is perfect - there are things the United States can do to improve itself. Nevertheless, this Afghan "culture" of marrying off little girls is deplorable.
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A 45 year old man wins a little girl in a card game. Sensational! but is it the truth? or is it just another lying bastard journalist under pressure to concoct sensationalist bullshit to keep his/her job!?!? Why should anyone believe this and many other stories like it pouring out of Afghanistan & the Muslim world? Convienient justification for American socioeconomic domination of the planet!
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Yes, it is culture, and we should all accept all culture. I should be able to kill my husband and eat his dead body while my children watch their father being eaten, just because it is my culture and my understanding of my god given right to understand my religion how I want to. I shall then marry both sons as I love them equally and we should not question others culture, religion or norms.

It is my unaliable right to not be questioned by you ignorant Americans that only want to conquer the world and hurt all of these people that only wish to do what their god tells them. Well my god tells me to eat people, so it must be good.

Ever read satanic verses?
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hi any 1 ho read this look at this man with his big beard
he should be a shamed of his self i cant look at the gal she is so yang and look at this man i m afghan my self but i dont lik the way thay treat womens in Afghanistan.
they should booth be taken to the police station.

basir
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This is the devil face of the Ä°slam. islam is an anti-humanian sadist religion. Should be destroyed as soon as possible for the future of our world.
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the poorer the family, the earlier the child will get married.

its better than ending up in a whorehouse.

what do you think happens to girls in war-torn countries?
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I'm an American male living in London - and since moving to Europe, I have realised that most of my fellow Americans know NOTHING about the rest of the world. The reason is that most my country men and women don't bother getting off their lazy asses to go see what's out there - they just pass judgement without bothering to understand anything about the rest of the world.
I have also realized that, with all the 'freedom' American women enjoy, they are the most depressed and miserable women in the world. Take this from the opinion of a man who's spent over 20 years of his life in America.
Don't pass judgement on other cultures unless you bother actually going out and trying to learn a bit about them. This girl may have been forced into a marriage - but if you ask her 10 years down the line, she may tell you it was the best thing that ever happened to her (many do). In contrast 60% of American women, who had the 'freedom' to choose their husbands will end up divorcing them, and saying it was the worst thing they ever did.
In addition, Afghan culture doesn't lead to an obesity epidemic, a depression (and anti-depressant) epidemic, and a work a haulic lifestyle.
Each culture has it's good and bad - don't judge and make yourself feel better by tearing down others.
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There is more child pornography in Europe and America. Most modern (!) westerners spend their holidays in far east asian countries where child prostituion is common. Most recently in Belgium there were ugly scandals about child abuse including cabinet members as well as a minister. Do not try to dis-informate the world. The westerners are the pervertest people in the world.
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Hello guys.
I’m an Afghan we have to accept that unfortunately it is unjustifiable part of our culture then why we should have to define, suppose this it be part of our traditional but its really make scenes that we have to preserve that part which we are aware of it’s darkness, ugly and dirty…….plz we have to try find a way to leave this kind issue and live in 21 century with rest of people and civilizations.
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child marriage's are NOT CULTURAL, young girls are sold as a means to feed the family, for money, to settle debts etc
i am originally from iran, although it is not common there, but i know about these marriage's .

there is a book with an in depth description about the lives of these girls and what they go through and why.

afghanistan is a poor country, most people are in poverty and will go to major lengths to feed their children.
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I suggest the best guidepost for any topic regarding human rights: IF any cultural custom physically or emotionally harms anyone, man, woman or child, then the culture should be overruled in favor of the individual who is being harmed. Every man, woman and child in the world should have the right to live in dignity, and without fear or physical harm. If a man's desire to marry a child harms that child, then the marriage should not occur. IF you are living in a country where cultural customs brings harm to anyone, you should stand up and fight against that custom. If enough people stand up for what is right, then change WILL come. If any person has any empathy for others, then you should stand up for the one being harmed. It's as simple as that. For one moment imagine any child being given to a stranger to do with her as he will. If you don't believe that these young girls hate what is being done to them, then one only has to look at the statistics. Females of all ages in Afghanistan are setting themselves on fire! They are perferring the flaming agony of death to the cruel and bitter lives they are living. Wake up and smell the smoke that is roiling from the bodies of your helpless women, and you might rethink this cruel custom of child brides! I do not make these statements as an American, but as a citizen of the world who weeps bitter tears at the thought of the lives so many women live. Jean Sasson
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I applaud the father for marrying off his 13 year old daughter to his friend.

Females gain the ability to have children usually at the age of 12, 13, or 14 years. Females should be married once they are able to have children.

As for those who will claim it's rape: in the Bible the punishment for the rape of an unmaried, unbetrhothed young maiden is for the man who seized her and had relations with her to marry her and not divorce her and pay her father some money (Dueteronomy 22.)

The Bible does not condemn rape unless the female is married (or will shortly be (betrothal didnt last more than a year, and usually the girl lived in her husband's house during that year.)) to a man.

A MAN.

I applaud the pashtuns and I hope that they spread their anti-feminist pro-men culture far and wide and that those who uphold pro-female anti-man culture fall.

--MikeeUSA--
An American Catholic who likes the Bible and the Old ways... and hates the new ways and all who condem men for living as all men wish.
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Those who take action against men who take young females of childbearing age as wives should be killed, and must be killed if any part of the world is to be maintained as safe for such men (and such men are good).

Women's rights has overtaken the world, and it does it through force: the jailing and murder (by police and law or by war). There is little men can do about this, they have no allies, even amongst other men... except to fight and die in the hope that they atleast will kill some of their enemies ... the enemies of all good men.

Death To women's Rights.
Viva Men's Liberty (or let the world become nothing).
--MikeeUSA--
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