Godizilla's rectal thermometer.

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It's an intercom call board for an apartment ("Hey Buddy, can you let me in?") or a large office ("Mr. Button, your 2 o'clock appointment is here.").

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It's a Rocky Mountain Oyster slicer.

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Someone needs to walk by, pinch him hard and see how fast he wriggles out of that hole.

That's easy. Those are copper pills for people who need vitamins and minerals. Everyone needs copper in their diet.

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It's a spaghetti portion control measure used during the famine.

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Connect a garden hose to your hot water heater and "water" and lawn. Job done. It should take about an hour depending on the air temperature. You may have lots of ice but no more snow. Besides, your house and lawn won't be crispy burnt (flame thrower idea), have dead-sea-salinated soil (salt), be littered with icy gopher holes until May (aluminum strips), a wilting cardboard impotent Al Gore that won't go away (where's the warming beef?), a sick/fat/diabetic dog or kid (various syrupy snow cone flavors), a dehydrated dog (say NO to yellow snow), next spring's litterbox (in hot wood-ashen gray) or your own landfill (plastic is bad).