This is a frustrated teacher's solution to discipline issues in the classroom. Each button is labeled with the name of a student. When the student acts up, you just press the button and the student gets a mild "ZAP" to remind them to get back on task.
"Beaker full of science" - women's medium

This is the solution to the "butterfly ballot" issues....one candidate, one button! (Press the wrong one and you get a mild electric shock to remind you to research the guy first!)

"Obey Gravity - it's the Law" - Women's Medium

It's "My first Bat'leth" for baby Klingon warriors - deadly enough to learn the fine art of slaying the monster (or spiders) under the bed, blunt enough to NOT kill your brother with.
"You've got a tweet Chuck" - Ladies medium

Bravo!

This is clearly an attempt to solve the age-old Monty Python dilema about how a 5oz swallow could carry a 1lb coconut!!! ("It could grip it by the husk...")

Of course, it was probably weighed on Sir Bedevere's set of witch scales so.....

Stop global whining - size L

These are an early prototype of the "somebody else's problem" field that is discussed in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. See a problem or situation that you don't want to get involved with? Evidence that refutes a pet theory? Just flip down the ocular caps and <> it's now somebody else's problem becuase you aren't seeing it!

These are the prototype for Zaphod's Peril-Sensitive sunglasses! (Hitchhicker's Guide to the Galaxy)

- Biology: Multiplication & Division, Women's large

Anyone else remember the Ernie "Rubber duckie....you're the one! You may bath-time so much fun!" song from Sesame Street?

I would love a copy of "A Lifetime of Secrets." I introduced my boyfriend to PostSecret last year when we were riding out a storm without power. The two of us curled up in bed together reading my copies of the other books by flashlight.
I don't have this one though. I'd love to get a copy and slip my secret inside - "You're the one I want to spend my life with - I'm certain." and re-create that night and see what happens. (I'm hoping he'll say yes when I propose!

It's a steam-punk torture device for parents frustrated by misbehaving kids! All you have to do is start turning the handle when they don't want to do what they're supposed to. When they ask what the device is for, look menacing, keep turning the handle, and say "You REALLY don't want to find out!"

Alternatively, it's a steampunk conversation starter. Leave it on the coffee table at a party, watch people turn the handle, and viola! - instant conversational guesses about what it REALLY is!

Tee shirt: Brainier than the average bear, ladies size XL

There's a pretty distinct gender bias on this thing.... my whole office was messing around with this during out morning meeting and nobody came up with a face that was even remotely female.

I like it! Stocking stuffer!!!!!!!!!

Plastic is a practical choice too....and you can pick it up at the dollar store and then spend the other $574 on something that you'll really enjoy. I mean seriously....who cares if you have a gold-plated toilet brush?

This only makes sense...after all, I've had a tee shirt since high school that says "Join the Dark Side...we have cookies!"

Well, at least they apologized for the apology in the adendum at the end of it!

Makes me think of the start of Monty Python & the Holy Grail where they keep apologizing for the previous apologies on the credits and finally end up with the credits being done by various breeds of wonder lamas in brain-hemmoraging techo-color.