Forget paperbacks or even Kindles - the future of reading, as this eBay listing shows, is in toilet paper! From the_heppcat's auction listing:

MOBY DICK TYPED ON TOILET PAPER

My friend and I once joked that toilet paper should have instructions printed on them for certain people.

One day, the conversation grew from there and turned into a wager that i couldn't (or wouldn't) be able to type out a novel on toilet paper.

Yes, we did have some time on our hands but, as you can see from the photos, I won the bet.

There are four full rolls, one roll (epilogue) is about 1/5 of a roll and one half-roll
All of the rolls of TP came out of a brand new -- clean -- package of 2-ply Cottonelle.
They've been handled very gingerly and infrequently.

As you'll see in the following photos, one or two rolls have a tear at the beginning.
This is where i was trying to pull the paper through the typewriter.

I've kept this mod oddity in a box in a cool, dry place for the last 10 years
and have only broken it out to prove to doubters that I actually did it.

Considering what it's been through, it's in amazing condition.

Link - via @brainpicker 

See also: Moby Dick Postertext from the NeatoShop

If you’ve ever wanted to have a conversation with your paper towel roll, then artist Brooks Bischof has the perfect product for you. His laser cut roll proclaims “You used me once and threw me away.” Link -via NotCot

How Toilet Paper Got on a Roll

The first products designed specifically to wipe one’s nethers were aloe-infused sheets of manila hemp dispensed from Kleenex-like boxes. They were invented in 1857 by a New York entrepreneur named Joseph Gayetty, who claimed his sheets prevented hemorrhoids. Gayetty was so proud of his therapeutic bathroom paper that he had his name printed on each sheet. But his success was limited. Americans soon grew accustomed to wiping with the Sears Roebuck catalog, and they saw no need to spend money on something that came in the mail for free.

Toilet paper took its next leap forward in 1890, when two brothers named Clarence and E. Irvin Scott popularized the concept of toilet paper on a roll. The Scotts’ brand became more successful than Gayetty’s medicated wipes, in part because they built a steady trade selling toilet paper to hotels and drugstores. But it was still an uphill battle to get the public to openly buy the product, largely because Americans remained embarrassed by bodily functions. In fact, the Scott brothers were so ashamed of the nature of their work that they didn’t take proper credit for their innovation until 1902.

“No one wanted to ask for it by name,” says Dave Praeger, author of Poop Culture: How America Is Shaped by Its Grossest National Product. “It was so taboo that you couldn’t even talk about the product.” By 1930, the German paper company Hakle began using the tag line, “Ask for a roll of Hakle and you won’t have to say toilet paper!”

As time passed, toilet tissues slowly became an American staple. But widespread acceptance of the product didn’t officially occur until a new technology demanded it. At the end of the 19th century, more and more homes were being built with sit-down flush toilets tied to indoor plumbing systems. And because people required a product that could be flushed away with minimal damage to the pipes, corncobs and moss no longer cut it. In no time, toilet paper ads boasted that the product was recommended by both doctors and plumbers.

The Strength of Going Soft

In the early 1900s, toilet paper was still being marketed as a medicinal item. But in 1928, the Hoberg Paper Company tried a different tack. On the advice of its ad men, the company introduced a brand called Charmin and fitted the product with a feminine logo that depicted a beautiful woman. The genius of the campaign was that by evincing softness and femininity, the company could avoid talking about toilet paper’s actual purpose. Charmin was enormously successful, and the tactic helped the brand survive the Great Depression. (It also helped that, in 1932, Charmin began marketing economy-size packs of four rolls.) Decades later, the dainty ladies were replaced with babies and bear cubs—advertising vehicles that still stock the aisles today.

By the 1970s, America could no longer conceive of life without toilet paper. Case in point: In December 1973, Tonight Show host Johnny Carson joked about a toilet paper shortage during his opening monologue. But America didn’t laugh. Instead, TV watchers across the country ran out to their local grocery stores and bought up as much of the stuff as they could. In 1978, a TV Guide poll named Mr. Whipple—the affable grocer who implored customers, “Please don’t squeeze the Charmin”—the third best-known man in America, behind former President Richard Nixon and the Rev. Billy Graham.

Rolling the World

Currently, the United States spends more than $6 billion a year on toilet tissue—more than any other nation in the world. Americans, on average, use 57 squares a day and 50 lbs. a year. Even still, the toilet paper market in the United States has largely plateaued. The real growth in the industry is happening in developing countries. There, it’s booming. Toilet paper revenues in Brazil alone have more than doubled since 2004. The radical upswing in sales is believed to be driven by a combination of changing demographics, social expectations, and disposable income.

“The spread of globalization can kind of be measured by the spread of Western bathroom practices,” says Praeger. When average citizens in a country start buying toilet paper, wealth and consumerism have arrived. It signifies that people not only have extra cash to spend, but they’ve also come under the influence of Western marketing.

America Without Toilet Paper

Even as the markets boom in developing nations, toilet paper manufacturers find themselves needing to charge more per roll to make a profit. That’s because production costs are rising. During the past few years, pulp has become more expensive, energy costs are rising, and even water is becoming scarce. Toilet paper companies may need to keep hiking up their prices. The question is, if toilet paper becomes a luxury item, can Americans live without it?

The truth is that we did live without it, for a very long time. And even now, a lot of people do. In Japan, the Washlet—a toilet that comes equipped with a bidet and an air-blower—is growing increasingly popular. And all over the world, water remains one of the most common methods of self-cleaning. Many places in India, the Middle East, and Asia, for instance, still depend on a bucket and a spigot. But as our economy continues to circle the drain, will Americans part with their beloved toilet paper in order to adopt more money-saving measures? Or will we keep flushing our cash away? Praeger, for one, believes a toilet-paper apocalypse is hardly likely. After all, the American marketing machine is a powerful thing.

_______________________

The article above, written by Linda Rodriguez, is reprinted with permission from the Jul/Aug 2009 issue of mental_floss magazine.

Be sure to visit mental_floss‘ website and blog for more fun stuff!

So he decided to make an aptly named website so you don’t ever have to ask "where do I put the paper":

Brazil
In common with most Latin American countries, the sewage system can’t cope with paper being flushed to use the bin provided. If you’re in the jungle or up the Amazon, take your paper with you and dispose of it somewhere hygienic, or burn it on the way. Brazilian public toilets are mostly very good, although if you’re in Rio, avoid the portaloos in Lapa at all costs.

Brunei
Squat-style toilets are common and in these you’ll find a hose or other water carrier to wash with. Throwing paper in one of these toilet will probably bung the whole place up, so throw it away. European-style toilets suggest a sewage system that can accept paper. [...]

Burkina
You’ll be cleaning up with your hand (make sure it’s your left hand) and water from a colourful teapot provided if you’re living like the locals. If you’re using paper, use a bin of provided, if not, dispose of it sensibly. You can’t flush the paper.

Link – via Linkfilter

This welded steel piece by Etsy seller Supertrone holds toilet paper while flashing the iconic red Cylon lights. At Technabob, you can watch a video of it in use.

Link via Technabob

Erika of erikaceous blog proved that you don’t need much to create some really nifty art. The leftover cardboard tubes of toilet paper rolls would do! Link

Best of all, you can … er, dispose of the mangled practice runs to clean yourself! Link

See also: Benjamin Toilet Paper | Word Search Toilet Paper

The problem of toilet paper waste has been brought to the forefront of the media through a comprehensive, worldwide usage study by watchdog organisation World Watch, which said that each Dane uses a meagre 13 kilos of toilet paper annually – a figure at the ‘bottom’ of those for the western world.

On the flip side, Americans – the world leaders in TP usage – go through a whopping 23 kilos each per year. That figure is equivalent to using 57 squares of a roll each day.

Link via Ace of Spade HQ | Image: CDC

Alex has been kind enough to hand me the keys to the weekly Caption Monkey contest, so I thought I’d start this party with a photo of my own. I won’t provide the context for this one though, because I’m intrigued to see what our intrepid crew of comical photo captioneers will come up with.

The rules are simple: the best caption wins a monkey drawing by yours truly, the ever-lovin’ Ape Lad. Place your caption in the comment section. One caption per comment, please, though you may enter as many times as you’d like. You have approximately 24 hours to bring the funny.

If you have a photo you think would be a good candidate for this contest, add it to the group pool here on flickr. If I use your photo, I’ll send you a surprise!

UPDATE!

We have a winner, and it’s #28, Seppukku, with “I’m telling you guys, my infallible plan will totally get us in the ladies bathroom!” Congratulations, and thanks for playing everyone! See you next week!

By making the inserted figures out of the same color paper as the tube, and illuminating the piece from behind, he gives a sort of life to them.  Other works depict a woman taking clothes down from a line, a classroom, a market scene, and Anastassia’s grandmother dozing in a chair.

He said: ‘The imagery of my work comes from looking people around me going about their everyday life.  Sometimes I use recycled materials and find new things to do with them – this time it was the turn of toilet rolls.  The rolls remind me of the famous miniature boats enclosed in bottles.”

Link.  (via Unique Daily)  Photo: Solent News & Photo Agency.

Junior Fritz Jacquet is a paper artist unlike any other: his medium of choice is the cardboard core of a toilet paper roll!

Village of Joy has the gallery – via Reality Carnival | Junior’s website (no links, strangely) and portfolio (PDF)

Sadly, this product is currently out of stock — toilet paper always runs out at the worst possible moment. But when it’s available again, it will shine a light into the darker recesses of your bathroom. Normally on sale for £4.99.

Link via Nerd Approved

The Mind Trainer Loo Roll is packed with puzzles, brain teasers, and Sudoku on every sheet. Create a game for yourself: you don’t get to use a sheet until you’ve solved the puzzle on it.

Link via The Presurfer

Previously on Neatorama: The Puzzle Game Toilet Dispenser

Artist Junior Fritz Jacquet crumples and folds toilet paper rolls until they make faces displaying anguish, happiness, disgust and more. Once they’re folded right, he adds just a bit of color to help bring out their color and then they’re ready to go.

Link

If you consider that the modern toilet paper was first introduced in 1857, the whole butt wipe thing is waaay due for a major advance.

Ancient Romans used to wipe their butts after going to the bathroom with a sponge on a stick (which they put in a bucket of saltwater after they’re done for reuse – Eew!) – so, in a nod to history, here’s Comfort Wipe: a stick that lets you wipe your behind without ever coming close to touching it with your bare hands.

Now, before you recoil in horror, consider that this invention is actually quite useful for people with limited range of motion due to disability. Hit play or go to Link [YouTube] – via AdFreak

… fluffiness comes at a price: millions of trees harvested in North America and in Latin American countries, including some percentage of trees from rare old-growth forests in Canada. Although toilet tissue can be made at similar cost from recycled material, it is the fiber taken from standing trees that help give it that plush feel, and most large manufacturers rely on them.

Customers “demand soft and comfortable,” said James Malone, a spokesman for Georgia Pacific, the maker of Quilted Northern. “Recycled fiber cannot do it.” [...]

Though most of the pulp comes from tree farms, but not all:

Although brands differ, 25 percent to 50 percent of the pulp used to make toilet paper in this country comes from tree farms in South America and the United States. The rest, environmental groups say, comes mostly from old, second-growth forests that serve as important absorbers of carbon dioxide, the main heat-trapping gas linked to global warming. In addition, some of the pulp comes from the last virgin North American forests, which are an irreplaceable habitat for a variety of endangered species, environmental groups say.

Link

Yuken Teruya sees art in everyday objects. Things like pizza boxes and toilet paper rolls. It takes a certain kind of genius to find beauty in something ordinary, but Yuken has done exactly that: Link – via Booooooom!

I know Neatorama isn’t a political blog, (yet another thing I love about it), but I just couldn’t resist the chance to share this special Sarah Palin toilet paper. Regardless of your own political affiliation, you have to admit, it takes a special person to have a toilet paper printed with your face on it.

Maybe you never liked Palin, maybe you’re just upset at her for losing the election, but whatever your reason for wanting to buy this, it’s still going to run you a pretty hefty $9. So I guess you’d better really want it.

Also, if this floats your boat, you may enjoy the John McCain punching bag for the same reason.

Link

It was a very British protest – cocking a snook at overbearing authorities while staying within the law. But Dick Roper’s glow of pleasure at using two sheets of toilet paper to write a cheque for a parking ticket was short lived.

Although Her Majesty’s Court Service said they would accept the £30 cheque, they demanded an extra £15 to cover the fee for cashing it.

When the 63-year-old grandfather refused, he was dragged to court for non-payment of a fine. He took advantage of his day in court by reading out a letter he sent to the Court Service in which he described the police community support officer who slapped a ticket on his car as a ‘snake’. Everyone, including the judge, was laughing as he described the man ‘slithering’ home at the end of the day ‘to digest the evil he had done’.

The judge in Mr. Roper’s case had a sense of humor:

When the district judge asked what he would have done if a customer had paid with a cheque written on toilet paper, he replied: ‘I would pay the cheque in and send them a receipt on toilet paper.’

Link – via Blue’s News

Going to the bathroom doesn’t get much simpler than this. Behold the "Simple Toilet," as envisioned by Jessie Neukomm (bag) and Alejandro Bona (shovel) for the University of Art and Design Lausanne (ECAL), Switzerland. Link [in French] – via Cribcandy, Thanks Justine Dufrenne!

I imagine this puzzle game would be funny for about 10 seconds, and then your friends are going to start yelling for some TP… or they will put your guest towels to ingenious use, as John Brownlee from BoingBoing Gadgets puts it.

Via BoingBoing Gadgets.