"Guns don't kill people, bullets do" or so the saying goes, but 59-year-old Verlin Q. Alsept was a bit unclear of the concept that you still need that gun:

Rather the fellow who entered a Family Dollar Store in Dayton on Tuesday threatened the cashier with a bullet — a single .38 caliber round he pulled from his pocket.

The 59-year-old man asked the cashier for all the money in the cash register. Unfazed by the threatening bullet, she declined, and he left the store empty-handed. A nearby private security guard at the Westown Shopping Center — alerted by the cashier — quickly ran the man to ground as bystanders called police.

Link - via News of the Weird

"Black Bart" Boles

Guns? Check. Masks? Check. Poetry book? If you’re going to rob a stagecoach, here’s how to do it with flair.

If You’re A Poet, Show It

Even if you’re a no-good, law-flouting bandit, it pays to mind your manners -and your meter. In California, between 1875 and 1883, Charles E. “Black Bart” Boles held up more than two dozen Wells Fargo stagecoaches. Even though he seemed to have an intense private grudge against the bank, he was always polite to its employees, asking stage drivers to “please” throw down the money. Stranger still, Boles often left poetry at his crime scenes. This poem was his most well-known:

I’ve labored long
and hard for bread,
For honor and for riches,
But on my corns
too long you’ve tread,
You fine-haired sons of bitches.

In 1883, Boles was wounded during a holdup and accidentally left a handkerchief at the crime scene. When Wells Fargo detectives traced it back to him, he was arrested and imprisoned, and although Boles’ career as a robber was over, his literary influence was just beginning. During his imprisonment, several copycat stagecoach robbers left truly dreadful bits of poetry at the scenes of their crimes.

Spin the Media

Jesse James and his One-armed Mother

Jesse James spent as much time honing his public image as he did robbing people. In fact, James frequently wrote letters to newspapers, stressing that his gang never attacked innocent farmers, only corrupt banks and railroad companies. He also claimed lawmen hounded James and his brothers because they had been Confederate soldiers, which won the gang sympathy in the South. His letters were widely reprinted, even in The New York Times, helping turn the Missouri bandits into national legends.

One night in 1875, Pinkerton detectives threw a flare into the James family home. The agents were trying to light up the dark house so they could shoot at the outlaws, but the flare exploded in the fireplace, killing Jesse’s young half-brother and maiming his mother, who lost her right forearm. James made the incident seem even worse than it was in his letters to the press, falsely claiming the detectives had tossed a 32-pound military shell into his mother’s home. The public was horrified, and after the explosion, Pinkerton agents received little help from Jesse’s neighbors, who were often happy to provide the James gang with food, information, and hiding places.

Rob Smarter, Not Harder

A stagecoach at Yellowstone National Park

In the early 1900s, automobiles were starting to replace stagecoaches, which meant that stagecoach robbers were a dying breed. One of the last havens for the bandits was Yellowstone National Park, because the park didn’t allow motor vehicles. On the lonely, isolated trails, robbers could loot stagecoaches with remarkable efficiency.  On July 29, 1914, an ex-con named Ed Trafton chose a spot about eight miles from Old Faithful geyser, where there was only one route for stagecoaches. With the aid of an armed accomplice who kept his victims from turning around to get help, Trafton held up 15 coaches, one by one, as though he were operating a drive-through bank.

Get in Touch with Your Feminine Side

During the 17th century, English highwayman Tom Rowland menaced coach travelers with a string of holdups that lasted for 18 years, and the entire time, he was dressed like a lady. Did he put on women’s clothing as a disguise, or was it a fetish? Difficult to be sure, but Rowland worked hard to keep up the charade, even riding sidesaddle when getting away from crime scenes. Caught and convicted in 1699, Rowland was hanged at Tyburn Hill, the historic place of execution for London-area criminals. The law was strict, but jail regulations were not; Rowland spent his final morning dallying with a London prostitute, purportedly dressed as a man.

The body of Bill Brazelton, still wearing his mask.

Wait for the Other Shoe to Drop

Arizona stagecoach robber Bill Brazelton threw lawmen off his trail with a cunning horseshoe trick. Before committing a crime, he would place shoes on his horse normally, then once he’d stolen the goods, he’d quickly turn the shoes around. After he rode off, it would look as though there were two sets of tracks leading to the crime scene, but no tracks leading away.

Brazelton’s scheme worked until one day in 1878, when one horseshoe fell off his steed after a robbery. The horse left behind a bizarre set of tracks, with three shod hooves running in one direction, and one bare hoof running in the other. A suspicious tracker traced the odd hoofprints to a corral near Tucson, where a posse laid an ambush for Brazelton, and he was killed in the attack. That thing about the horseshoe being lucky? Not so much.

_______________________

The article above, written by David Norris, is reprinted with permission from the Scatterbrained section of the November-December 2011 issue of mental_floss magazine. Get a subscription to mental_floss and never miss an issue!

Be sure to visit mental_floss‘ website and blog for more fun stuff!

That's right. A man dressed up as Gumby tried to rob a San Diego 7-Eleven store ... and got laughed at:

A man in a Gumby suit attempted to rob a 7-Eleven store but became nervous and escaped with only some loose change, the San Diego Police Department said.

The unusual robbery attempt occured Monday night at a store in the Rancho Penasquitos neighborhood.

Initially the clerk thought the man was joking. But when the robber announced he had a gun and began fumbling with his Gumby suit, the clerk changed his mind.

When the robber's apparent accomplice in a car outside honked the car horn, the suspect fled, dropping 27 cents on the floor, police said.

Link

Now if only he had been wearing a Pokey outfit. No one disses Pokey!

Think you've got a bad date? Not like THIS, you didn't:

A WOMAN ended up as a getaway driver in a robbery when her date raided a bookies' in the middle of their night out.

Unsuspecting Leah Gibbs, 23, went out with crook Adam Minton after meeting him on Facebook.

He asked her to give him a lift to a nearby Ladbrokes and she agreed to wait outside, thinking he was placing a bet.

But minutes later he ran out wearing a black bandana, holding a knife and a bag full of cash. He leapt into her car and screamed: "Drive, drive, drive.'

When they got back to Minton's house, he tried to force her to go inside with him.

She had decided their date was over and was just about to leave when cops swooped and arrested both of them.

Link (Photo: Shutterstock)

(Video Link)

I’d like to point out that while it’s obvious these are some seriously wussy robbers, this is also one tough little chihuahua.

Via BoingBoing

Screen Junkies gives us the greatest bank robbery ever to appear in the movies, which is a supercut, because it takes a lot of robberies to be the best! Some language NSFW. Link -via The Daily What

This time two offenders entered the bank just minutes before closing time at 1:58 p.m., both with weapons, Wodka said.

They jumped over the counter and took control of two employees — a bank teller and the branch manager — ordered them to the vault where their Nike duffel bag was filled with currency, he said.

No shots were fired, and no one was injured. No customers were in the bank at the time. Police are not disclosing how much money was taken.

The robbers were dressed in black nun costumes as depicted in Ben Affleck’s movie, “The Town,” Wodka said.

Police are on the lookout for the suspects and their car, described at the Sun-Times. Link -via Arbroath

Yes, it’s customary to celebrate happy occasions with cake, but if you think about it, you need cake much more during the bad times. So forget greeting cards filled with platitudes – use cakes filled with sugary goodness!

Jen over at Cake Wrecks has a fantastic post about some unusual uses of cakes to deal with life’s sadder moments: Link

Steve Cornell was using an ATM, at a Middleton store last night, when he saw a man inside pointing a gun at the stores manager.

When the gunman ran out the door, Cornell tripped him, giving the manager enough time to tackle the man.

What makes Cornell’s actions even more impressive is that he has an artificial leg.

Steve Cornell said he did what anyone would do, but I don’t think that’s true.  Would you be willing to lend a hand (or a leg) to help someone? Just something to think about.

Link

“He saw the blood and was furious,” Persisco told Brazilian newspaper Globo. “He left like a rocket to attack the thieves. One of them ran away, but Max dominated the other one. To defend himself, the thief ended up shooting the dog. Max thwarted the assault and saved my life.”

Max was hit twice in his chest and once in his leg, but by then he had scared off the potential thieves.

Max was treated by a veterinarian and is expected to make a full recovery. Link -via Breakfast Links

(Image credit: Porthus Junior)

The new system involved an employee-activated device that sprays a fine, barely visible mist laced with synthetic DNA to cover anyone in its path, including criminals, and simultaneously alerts the police to a crime in progress.

The mist — visible only under ultraviolet light — carries DNA markers particular to the location, enabling the police to match the burglar with the place burgled. Now, a sign on the front door of the McDonald’s prominently warns potential thieves of the spray’s presence: “You Steal, You’re Marked.”

Link via Ace of Spades HQ | Photo (unrelated) via Flickr user Leonid Mamchenkov used under Creative Commons license

Where once Batman ruled Taco Bell with promotional movie cups and kid’s meals, it seems the Caped Crusader (or an impersonator) has now turned to crime, taking food from an unsuspecting drive-thru customers like a thief in the night. It’s sort of like the old drive-thru football grab from MTV’s "Jackass," only the gosh-darn Batman leaps from an untold height onto the top of an SUV before grabbing an order and fleeing into the shadows.

Comic Alliance has the video clip (A prank? A viral vid attempt? Can’t be a coincidence though the driver seems genuinely pissed off): Link

Officers say the woman remained tied up for five hours before using an unusual method to notify police –  the woman had her laptop with her and used her feet to type a message to her boyfriend who then called police.

Link (with video) -via Arbroath

According to police, a short time later the officers were inside the coffee shop ordering at the till when the man they had spoken with outside walked directly up to the till, threw a drink at the employee and demanded cash.

"[The officers] looked at each other in astonishment that someone would attempt that with two uniform officers in the room," Sgt. Bruce Carrie told ctvbc.ca.

Link – via The Consumerist

Just after he walked out to a red pickup truck at a gas pump, another man — who police later identified as Jose Alejandro Romero, 17 — walked into the store with a caulk gun partially visible under a white t-shirt, the affidavit said.

The man pointed the caulk gun at Limuel and demanded money, the affidavit said.

Limuel told police he thought it was a joke when he saw the caulk gun, but the assailant continued to demand money, the affidavit said.

The man struck Limuel with the caulk gun after he could not open the cash drawer, the affidavit said, then Limuel struck back, hitting the man with a plastic trash can.

Romero then fled the scene with a transgendered prostitute who was driving the getaway vehicle.

Link via Say Uncle | Photo: US Department of Energy

“The first officer arrives, looks in the window and he sees a gentleman with a gun pointed at the counter,” Garcia said.

“So he enters the store and confronts the individual, and says, ‘Police, drop the gun,’” Garcia said. “The individual puts his hands up in the air and says, ‘It’s a movie! It’s a movie!’”

He said the officer repeated his order to drop the gun several times before using force to disarm the actor of his fake pistol.

Link via Say Uncle | Photo: Gothamist

Previously: Marketing Stunt: Have Bloody Man Wave Gun around in Public

"He steps back, takes it [the gun] and then shoots it in the air," said Kendrick Shepherd, the wedding DJ. "And then comes and pushes me, grabs it and runs out the door and I’m like, did that just happen?"

Shepherd said the suspect grabbed an expensive crystal decanter full of liquor and fled.

Nearly two months later, police haven’t been able to find the gun-toting best man.

The couple claimed that they didn’t know who the best man was. Well, weddings are expensive, or perhaps the music sucked … Link

A man asking for money approached two nuns in a California parking lot.  When the nuns refused to give him money the man made off with sister De Leon’s purse instead. This guy is on Santa’s naughty list for sure.

Sister Mary De Leon was with another nun and had just finished their shopping at the Food 4 Less. They were loading groceries in the trunk of their car when the suspect approached them in broad daylight two weeks ago. Surveillance video captured the crime on tape…

“She was blaming herself for leaving her purse in front of the car,” said Sister Mary Fatima Guevara of the Poverello of Assisi School.

Guevara said De Leon has already forgiven the suspects for the crime.

Link

Cannon would probably have got away with the crime had he not been charged with drug offences late last year, and asked to give a DNA sample – which matched that from the crime scene.

Detective Inspector Mick Johnston, who was involved in the police investigation from the start, said Cannon’s conviction validated the use of DNA technology.

“It’s a testament to DNA evidence and the legislation that allows us to keep such evidence in relation to unsolved crimes – this is a fantastic result,” he said.

Link -via Boing Boing

(image credit: BBC)

Mohammad Sohail, a Long Island convenience store owner confronted by a bat-wielding would-be robber said Tuesday he decided to show mercy on the man after he collapsed in tears claiming he was only committing the crime to support his starving family.

Instead of getting loot from a stickup, the store owner provided the man with $40 and a loaf of bread, but only if he promised never to rob again.

Link

From the Upcoming ueue, submitted by dradell.

“And the deputy said, ‘Ah hah! He ate the evidence,’” Mabe said. “But we had the banana peel and they took a picture of it.”

John Steven Szwalla, 17, was charged with one count of attempted armed robbery. Warrants and records with the sheriff’s office list different addresses for him, with a most recent address in Clemmons.

Deputies joked about charging him with destroying evidence, said Major Brad Stanley, a spokesman for the Forsyth County Sheriff’s office.

Szwalla is in the Forsyth County Jail with bond set at $50,000.

Link -via Arbroath

(image credit: Flickr user Jason Gulledge)

Once he had stopped, the woman walked up and told him an accomplice was pointing a gun at him, said David Perales, a spokesman for state investigators.

She then tied him up with packing tape, super-glued his hands to the steering wheel of his truck and demanded money. Carrizales didn’t have any cash, but the woman took his credit cards and fled.

"He probably thought it was his lucky day when he saw the woman in the miniskirt, but was surprised when she tied him up," Perales said.

With his motor still running and his hands still glued to the wheel, Carrizales managed to drive a few miles (kilometers) down the road until he found a police officer to help him.

Link