Christmas is the king of commercialized holidays, the one time of year when we buy-buy-buy and give-give-give, but some of the crazy holiday themed crap some companies come up with takes the spirit of giving straight over the top!
Here are twelve of the strangest, WTF inducing Christmas themed products ever sold to a holiday merchandise hungry world. Time to update your Christmas list!
1. Santa Bathroom Set-
Sitting on the throne has never been more festive! Let Santa make your movements a little more pleasant, it's a lot like sitting on his lap only you don't get a candy cane when you're done...
2. Santa Big Head Costume-
Is this abomination for Halloween or Christmas? You make the call when you wear this Big Santa Head costume, but when you sport this bad boy around town make sure you're wearing pants!
3. Christmas Tree Baby Bunting-
It seems like most baby costumes take the fact that the baby can't walk into account during the design phase, but the look on this baby's face says wearing this Christmas Tree Baby Bunting is pure torture. Believe it or not some kids remember traumatic incidents from their babyhood, and they'll spend the rest of their lives plotting their revenge...
4. Santa's Butt Earrings-
They say wearing an image of Santa's butt on your person will bring you good luck come Christmas, but it will also make you the butt of many jokes throughout the year.
Luckily, there are these Santa's Butt earrings, which are small enough to cover up if you have long hair. That way you can wear Santa's Butt all year long, and it will be your own little Yuletide secret.
Santa is such a sweet guy he must poop delicious candy nuggets, right? That's the premise behind this Poo-Pooing Santa Claus toy- it's cute, it's deliciously tasteless, it'll make ya glad Santa only leaves coal in your stockings!
6. Beard Ornaments-
They're not beard shaped ornaments for your Christmas tree, they're little tiny ornaments for your beard, so you can share your festive spirit with the world. What the heck is that beard good for? Put it to work showing the world you're the most festive bearded fellow in town. Hipster Santa outfit not included.
7. Peeing Santa Drink Dispenser-
Looking for a little stress relief in the form an adult beverage? Let Santa relieve himself into your glass and watch all that stress wash away as you laugh at the absurdity of it all! The drink might taste fine after being dispensed in this improper way, but this gift is about as tasteless as they come!
8. Santa's Dirty Flirty Thong Ornament-
People like to put all kinds of different ornaments on their tree, but who the heck is going to want this Santa's Dirty Flirty Thong ornament? Perhaps a thong afficionado, or someone who owns a thong store? Only Santa knows for sure...
9. Iconic Christmas Shapes Lucha Masks-
A Japanese company decided the best way to celebrate Christmas is with a reindeer, star or Christmas tree shaped Luchador mask on your face and a wrestler's spirit in your heart. Slip one on and fight for your presents!
10. Baby Santa Beard Beanie-
Parents aren't normally in a hurry to see their babies grow up and become bearded men, but if you want to get a glimpse at what that might look like about eighteen years before it's an actual possibility then you might want one of these Santa Beard baby beanies. It'll make a hairy man out of your hairless little man, and keeps his face nice and warm at the same time!
11. Santa's Farting Butt Travel Pillow-
There sure are a lot of Christmas products featuring Santa's rear end! I guess there really must be something to that legend about Santa's Butt bringing you good luck, but did they have to make one with real farting sounds?!
I'm not sure who would want this crazy thing, but if you see someone carrying one on board your flight request a seat by a window!
12. Christmas Ham Flavored Jones Soda-
Their 2007 Jones Soda Christmas Pack featured more appetizing flavors like Egg Nog and Sugar Plum, the totally bizarre Christmas Tree flavor, and the flavor that started as a special creation for the David Letterman show, originally called Big Ass Canned Ham soda.
The folks at Jones were doubtful anyone would even want to buy the Christmas Ham flavored soda, much less drink it, but it became an internet sensation and now is sold as a collector's item, a remembrance of crazy beverages past.
We at Neatorama hope you get everything you ask for this Christmas, and if you asked for anything on this list of bizarre products you have totally f'ed up excellent taste!